“I don’t want to get hurt or let my trust to be broken. So I will never get married. I love my life the way it is.”
These words are becoming more and more common. Some have gone through a bad experience and they are naturally hesitant to move on in life and get settled all over again. Others have seen their friends/family suffering in marriage and now they say they can’t afford to take a chance and end up like them. Yes, it is scary! Even the thought of trusting someone scares the hell out of you.
“Women impure are for men impure, and men impure for women impure, and women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity: these are not affected by what people say: for them there is forgiveness, and a provision honorable.” Ayat 26 of Surrah An-Nur.
I went through that phase in life too where I said ‘I will never get married and lose my identity. I cannot go through all that pain all over again when it’s not even worth it.’ After seeing bad faces of people in life, it is natural for one to make assumptions like:
- All men/women are the same
- Love is over-rated
- There is no such thing as selfless love
- ‘Happily ever after’ is only in fairy tales
One of them told me “We all believe in fairy tales and deep down we all want ours to come true. Millions of people are surviving miserable marriages. If Allah gives you a second chance of happiness, take it.
We all must realize that it is our need to get married and settle down. This is what’s best for us. We can not live alone for the rest of our lives and give in to fear. Yes, change is always scary but we must be strong enough to embrace change.
You say what if I hurt you, what if I leave you
What if I find somebody else and I don’t need you
What if this goes south, what if I mess you up
You say what if I break your heart in two then what
What if I was made for you and you were made for me
What if this is it, what if it’s meant to be
What if I ain’t one of them fools just playin’ some game
What if I just pulled you close, what if I leaned in
And the stars line up and it’s our last first kiss
What if one of these days baby I’d go and change your name
What if I loved all these what ifs awayWhat if the sky falls (sky falls) or the sun stops burnin’
We could worry about them what ifs ’til the world stops turnin’
Or I could kiss you (you should kiss me), what if you liked it (bet I’d like it)
Well we ain’t never gonna know unless we try it
- I deserve better
- I don’t want to get married
- I am not ready for marriage
- I am too scared of relationships
Don’t be so harsh to yourself. Break those walls around yourself. Give love a chance, a second chance, a third one and so on. But never give up! Don’t generalize or be pessimistic. Think positive and pray for good things to come your way.
If you’ve had a bad marriage, 3 months (Iddat) are more than enough for you to get over it and get your life back on track again. Don’t look back as that will only make you bitter. Focus on the future. Think of marrying again. I know its hard but its the best thing to do. Don’t agonize your parents by saying ‘I will never get married again’. They want the best for you so just go with the flow.
For those of you, who are ready to get married but aren’t getting any good proposals, I really believe in ‘Dair aye, durust aye’. Waiting for the right one is better than suffering with the wrong one! But make sure you aren’t putting down good people. Only reject those who have something majorly wrong with them. We all have our flaws and no ones perfect.
“O’ Lord, give me a nice, child-bearing, thankful, honorable spouse; a spouse that would be thankful if I treat him/her good and would forgive me if I treat him/her bad; a spouse that would help me if I remember Allah and would remind me of Allah if I forget him; a spouse that would protect me if I leave his/her presence and would make me happy if I enter his/her presence; a spouse that would obey me if I ordered him/her to do something and would take my vows seriously if I make one against him/her; a spouse that would calm me down if I get angry. O’ Lord of loft and honor, give me such a spouse. I have asked for him/her from you and nothing would come to me unless you give it to me.”