I have been following a blogger named Shehzeen who runs Desi Wonder Woman. Recently, she urged her readers to share their experience and be a source of hope for those who are suffering or are trapped in bad marriages. A lot of my blog fans have also been messaging me to share my story. I try to avoid talking about my past as it brings back terrible memories but I know we can only help others by sharing our experience.
As divorce is becoming more and more common these days, I think it is more important than ever to be able to discuss these taboo topics and to be well informed before getting married. In case you’re stuck in an abusive marriage, know what is the right thing for you to do.
Since I have suffered it first hand, I feel I have a social responsibility in this society to create awareness against abusive relationships. Today, I will be very briefly sharing my past without badmouthing the ex by skipping what kind of a person he was.

My First Marriage

I got (arranged) married at the age of 22 and moved to London as husband was studying there. I lived and slaved there for five long years. I worked day and night; weekdays and weekends to make our ends meet. I cooked, cleaned, washed, mopped and everything that was possible. I left my friends, hobbies, family and did everything trying to make him happy. Unfortunately, nothing was good enough for him.

I was never even allowed to talk to my family. Even when my father was on his death bed, I was not allowed to fly to him. I had to fight wars on a daily basis only for my basic rights as he controlled every little part of my life with his horrifying anger. My life was a constant struggle. We lived in shared houses where housemates didn’t even know how to pull flush after using toilets. I coped in such unhygienic condition for years hoping this was only the start and that life will get better. There were dead rats found in the house and seller had sewage issues causing a disgusting stink. Apart from emotional and physical abuse, financial abuse was beyond words.

I earned over £50,000 and he took it all along with other money which he took from my father and grandfather. I was made to pay for all our expenses single-handedly most of the years including all groceries, bills, eat-outs, furniture, all our holiday trips and even his branded shopping. He even took my savings from Pakistan. I had honestly never considered Divorce as I never thought of it as an option. I was from a culture which instilled that a wife has to compromise even if its 80:20. I had never even told my family what’s been going on. Planning a family was out of question as he always had other plans.

After my dad passed away, he left me by stealing my visa while we were on our first holiday to Pakistan. I was suddenly thrown out of my own home and even the country I called home. He played this dirty trick as he knew he could easily get away with it as Pakistan doesn’t have strong laws. When someone doesn’t fear Allah or doesn’t believe in Him to start with, sky is the limit. That’s when I realized what had been going on. It was all a plan where I had been his ATM Machine. Now that I had got him everything, he didn’t want me to return unless it was on his conditions.

How it ended

Anyway, he kept me hanging and finally divorced me after 12 long months. Even our closest friends and well-wishers were of the opinion that a girl’s life is finished once she gets divorced. They told me no matter what happens, you must remain married to him. They said I should beg him to take me back.

On the contrary, my divorce was actually the happiest time for me. That piece of paper changed my life completely. I was finally granted the freedom to breathe, live, laugh, joke, dress and finally be myself. I fail to understand why people express sadness after hearing about someone’s divorce. I tell you it’s the happiest thing that can ever happen to you if you have been in an abusive marriage.
I don’t understand why in our culture, people associate happiness with marriage and unhappiness with singlehood. This assumption is completely wrong. I am totally against such concepts. Yes, there is nothing more blissful than a happy and fair marriage but it’s better to be happy and single than to be unhappily married. It’s the worst thing to be stuck in an ugly marriage where partners are sadistic towards each other and bent on making each other’s lives hell. How can you possibly be cruel to someone you sleep with every night?

How I coped

This happened only 10 months after my dad passed away. The pain of his passing was still fresh when I was suddenly left here with nothing. I had been robbed, used and abused. He didn’t even return all my personal belongings from my house in England. I had a million things in my home, my dads only handwritten letter to me, my work contracts, my career files, my ID cards, my fancy shoes etc. I missed my friends and colleagues. There was no way back.

My mom and younger sister lived alone in Islamabad and were facing property cases as my mom’s in-laws had claimed on all my dad’s property including our home papa made for us. Yet my mother gave me full support and said she will help me in whatever I decide. She did not enforce any decision on me and left the decision in my hands.  Yet she always had full faith in Allah and never worried about how she will accommodate me within all the constraints she had.

Even in the worst of times, our home has always been a source of happiness and fun. During this time, we had a dog named Tessa who loved biting people in our neighbourhood. Mama said she is putting a board outside our house that says ‘Beware of the dog, widow and divorcee’. We had a good laugh.

Around the time of divorce, my life was an utter mess, my health was deteriorating as I had constant palpitations, stomach issues, lost 7 kgs, sleep disorder and sleepwalking issues. I just couldn’t stop my brain from thinking. I travelled between denial, shock and hatred. So I applied for jobs and started working for the first job that I was offered only to keep my mind off all this. If you are going through a divorce, the most important thing is to keep yourself busy around this time. You have to stop your mind from overthinking. It took me a while to find my identity as I had become a different person altogether. That man had made me change everything about myself. He never accepted me for who I was.

My Second Marriage

After the divorce, I never ever wanted to get married. I imagined myself as a single career woman forever and I was happy to think that. Initially, after the move back, I suffered in my career as changing countries always takes you many steps backward. I was now being paid nothing compared to my job in England. Two days after I was finally sent the divorce paper, my mother received a phone call for my informal proposal from our family friends. We actually could not believe it for the longest time.

They knew I was a divorcee; they were even there on my first marriage 6 years ago. How could they actually propose to me? He was so well qualified and Mashallah such a handsome young man with good values, degrees and career. As soon as my Iddat was over, I said yes and we got married after our engagement period.

It was a very gruelling decision to marry again. Much more difficult than first time as I had so much more at stake and I just couldn’t get myself to trust someone all over again. But thank God, my family introduced me to other girls who had gone through similar circumstances, and I prayed to Allah to make it easy for me. Allah made me fall in love with my husband just like a fairy tale Mashallah.

I can never thank those girls enough who actually changed my life by sharing their story with me, giving me hope and strength to move on happily and give it my all to this relationship. Special thanks to Nabila Chaudhry and Ayesha who helped me at the time when I was the weakest I have ever been. They shared their stories of struggle and how their 2nd marriages are so blissful. Thanks to my family who were my biggest strength at the most challenging time of my life. I would never have been where I am today if it wasn’t for all the support around me.

My best friends Aiza and Danish who were with me through my hardest times and helped me out with the unlimited arbitration council trips. This is the only reason I agreed to share my story on the blog today. I want to be a source of happiness and strength for those who are suffering today.

We have been happily married for over a year now Mashallah. He is the love of my life, the apple of my eye and most importantly a real man. He has never questioned me about my past. We do talk about it lightly and jokingly but we never stay in the past. He knows about his responsibilities and mine. He is everything I could ever ask for. He is really my angel.

He says he is so happy he married me and that he wants to write an article on how divorced women make better wives. He thinks I am mature and manage our home and relationship better than an innocent young girl could ever do. He is also surprised by my multitasking: how I manage it all at once. He has taught me what love actually means. The selfless meaning of love.

By being good to me, he has removed my belief that all men are materialistic, selfish and mean. I never believed in soulmates but now I do. Of course, we have tiny arguments on why the hoodie was not in its proper place but since our beliefs are the same, we are on the same page on most important things in life that really matter. I love my in-laws like anything and I know they love me too. It shows. I pray to Allah to always keep us this way. Inshallah.

My take on Divorce

No one has the right to make our lives miserable. I found contentment and my life has changed drastically. I am Mashallah happier than I have ever been in my life. In my last few years here, I have been painting, blogging, stamp collecting, travelling, making journals, enjoying time with my family, grandparents and family friends while keeping my full-time job. I work as and when I like, I am still a career woman. I have a really good job now Mashallah. My husband does not make decisions on how I spend my income and savings. My husband encourages my hobbies. We both go out for sports together every night after office. He goes for running and I play Tennis in the same club.

We both respect each other, give each other space and love each other in the true sense of the word. He doesn’t have any complexes nor has any hangups. He is down to earth and understanding. He is not controlling at all and gives me the freedom to do whatever I like. I’m back in touch with my family and friends. Everything has Mashallah turned out so well. It really is magical.

If you have faith in Allah, don’t think that your life has ended at divorce. Your knight in shining armor may only be a step away. There are still good men in the world who do not worry about marrying a divorcee nor a mature girl. They don’t care about the baggage and without a question are willing to propose to women like me.

Even if you don’t find a good man, your life has definitely not ended. You can easily work and live as a single woman. In case society doesn’t accept, just rent an apartment and hell with all that others say. It’s your own life and you have every right to live it the way you want happily.

My only regret in life is that I should have gotten out of abusive marriage sooner. I wish I hadn’t given him 5 precious youthful years of my life. I should never have left my family, friends and hobbies for so long. I knew within one year of living with him and trying my level best that he was a hopeless complex case and that he will never change.
If you are in an abusive marriage, know that its wrong for you to stay in that marriage. Don’t waste precious years of your life being abused. Allah has made pure women for pure men and impure women for impure men. You don’t deserve to be abused. Seek help. Just have faith in Allah and move on. Never look back and find your own happiness.
Let’s all try to broaden our minds and free our selves from the social stigmas that are associated with divorce. Never judge another person just because of his/her past. Allah is the judge. Only He knows what is in our hearts and how each of us has suffered.
Divorce is the worst time of a persons life. It really is terrible. If you know someone who has been through it, please be kind to that person. We have no idea what they have been through. Also, when a person is going through a divorce, he/she doesn’t have answers and is extremely depressed. So asking them personal questions is really the worst thing one can do to them. Let’s all be open-minded; live and let live. Thanks for stopping by.

Ending Note 

I know how important it is to be a part of a community who has been through the same experience. In case you are in an abusive marriage or going through a divorce, please feel free to message me. I will be more than happy to offer hope and emotional support. For those of my friends who are still single and are now getting desperate to get married, I believe in ‘der aye, durust aye’ (even if it’s delayed, wait for the right one) and keep praying to Allah to bless you with a good and pious life partner. Ameen!
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About Nadiya Najib

Hi guys! Subscribe to my blog to know about the drama that I am, my love for Pakistan and planet Jupiter and my general rambling on whats what! ? I have so much to talk about. I'm passionate about Tennis,? truck art, family trees, organizing, traveling, stamp collection, natural remedies, leaf art, social media, cats, blogging, chess and so much more! I'm always exploding with ideas. Come let's socialize. ?


  1. Tears come to my eyes now as I read this well written article. Remembering all that you went through so bravely. I can only imagine the courage it took to write it. Yet it is so important to reach out to those who need help in similar situations. Your faith, your studies of Holy Quran have taken you through in shining colors. Lets just humbly thank Allah that today you live as a stronger human being. Love, hugs to you, and humble thanks to the One who took you through all this. Special thanks to your dearly beloved who is just one of a kind, whom only He could have selected. His family who are gems, each one of them. Alhamdolillah, and Stay blessed my precious one. I'm so proud of you for your steadfastness.

  2. Nadiya i still remember tht night ,after uncle's death.i was sitting in ur drawing room.it was one cold night.and u were telling me ,how u are being pressured to travel back to england.i too was on my first vaccation to home from saudia.i couldnt beleive how somebody could be so heartless to make u do something tht downright cruel,esp when ur famiky needed ur support and presence.May Allah reward you for what u endured.

  3. I am in office and crying uncontrollably! How happy i am to know allah has given you more than you could ever ask for. I have a huge respect for your now husband and in laws. Breaking barriers by marrying a divorcee. We need such people. Thanks for sharing your story. Much love

  4. Brave hearts are Brave because they have His special attention in them! MashAllah! You are lucky and I'm so very glad and happy that you took a step for yourself! and he is Mr. Lucky to have such a brave beautiful and talented partner now! He made the RIGHTEST decision he could have ever made! Stay Blessed

  5. Proud to read the warming words about your present. His habit of not keeping a hoodie at same place is old… 🙂
    i fully agree..You have got the best man…
    and he told me…
    Sir g… i found the best girl in the world…
    Best of luck guys.

  6. Nadiya you are such an inspiration to all the girls who are going through this tough time in their lives.Hats of to you for sharing this with the world and giving hope to all the girls who are despite of being educated successful still cope with the mental abuse and try to make things work. I can only pray and wish you all the best that you deserve. Keep believing in Allah as he only knows what's best for you . All the best ❤

  7. Such a heart touching story, Nadia. You are a brave girl who shared her story. Sometimes divorce is the best thing that can happen to person and it should never let anyone from pursuing her dreams and live life to the fullest.
    After reading this post i feel like saying that leaving an abusive marriage was the best decision of my life. Post divorce, i traveled the world, got a Phd, lived for my own happiness and did find someone who loves me to bits, Alhamdulillah.
    Your inspirational post made me say that girls should never let anyone treat them like trash. Our parents raise us as princesses and for the sake of that we should not let anyone mess with us.
    Wish you all the best.

  8. Nadia i may not know you much to write about you with much authority. However i have known haaris since we both wore diapers…. I will just keep it short and direct…I have never known or came across any person with a heart better than haaris’s

  9. My mama! My Jaan! such a heart felt comment. Love every word you wrote. I love you so much. You have been my greatest strength in my worst times. You are the mother every child dreams of. You have always always stood by us when we were weak. Love you and thanks for being such a strong woman.

    1. Hi Nadia api.. following you for last 3 years as I followed waliya’s whole family 💖 after her nikah. She is also an inspiration..
      I have read some of your msgs about divorce and thought why r u sharing this .. never thought that this is your 2nd marriage.. but I always used to thought you married late so that’s why nyra came to ur life that late ..
      Ma Sha Sha how much strong girl you r . Is was nyra’s 2nd birthday when I followed u and now you are family of 4 .. watched each n every post of yours . Love your n Haris Bhai couple . Your mother is gem . She made her daughters so strong. Being independent is life’s most prettiest thing 💖

      1. Thank you. So kind of you.

        1. Shared your story with my cousin who was divorced just after 4 months of her marriage. Her mother in law was main character.she is still shocked as what happened to her in such a short spam .. but I shared your story and made her understand that it’s hard to spend so many years of life in abusive marriage so thats good that you r not in that marriage any more .. adviced her to follow you so that she also inspired daily .. more blessings to you and your family.. may Allah pak bless you with countless blessings.. ameen

          1. Ahan okay and then? Your comment seems incomplete. Hope it helped her in some way.

  10. Allah has truly rewarded me with the best Mashallah. Allah is great. Thanks for the comment. Miss you. Hope to see you soon.

  11. I'm sorry it made you cry at work. I finally decided to share my story as I thought it could help the society in so many ways. Even if one girls life is saved after hearing my story, it'll all be worth it. Lots of love.

  12. Thank you so much for your kind words and prayers. I sure am lucky to have found the hero of my story and life. Der aye par durust aye. Allah ka bohat bohat shukar.

  13. aww so sweet Mashallah. Thanks for sharing.

  14. Thank you for your sweet words. I finally decided to share my story as I thought it could help the society in so many ways. Even if one girls life is saved after hearing my story, it'll all be worth it. Lots of love.

  15. Hi Mehwish. Thanks for your comment and for sharing your story. I'm so happy to know you left an abusive marriage and found your real happiness. Mashallah such an inspiring story. Your last two lines are so true and so well written. I feel like we, (who have been through it) have a responsibility in this society to create awareness and try to stop abusive marriages however we can. There were 2 girls like you and me who talked to me during my toughest nights, and talked me into being strong and moving on. I am whatever I am today due to their help that night. I hope you and I can also save someones life in their difficult time. Thanks for stopping by. Lots of love.

  16. So sweet of you to share this. He sure is a gem. I could never imagine anyone's heart can actually be this pure. Allah ka shukar hai.

    1. Masha Allah You are very brave i have been following since 5 months ago when u came for ur mother i love ur family Allah pak bless u more and more

      1. Thank you. Glad to know.

  17. Nadiya omg I can't believe all this, MashaAllah MashaAllah
    You don't know me but I was kind of love with you even before reading this, I love your crazy side I love seeing you in waliya's snapchat. And after reading this I must say you're one brave girl I know, and beshak Allah bohat mehrbaan hai, may Allah always keep you all happy. Lots of love

    P.s stay the same (crazy) you put smile on my face and many more

    1. Heheh.. Thank you for your comment. Not sure if I replied earlier.

  18. So heart touching.I'm not married but I'm scared to get someday dk why really appreciate you sharing your story with us to help other people through tough times.May you always be showered in blessings.

  19. Dear Nazia. Thank you for your warm and heart melting comment. Allah is great Mashallah. Hehe I sure am crazy. Waliya captures out funniest moments on her snapchat. 😀

  20. Thank you for your sweet wishes. I hope there is only goodness in store for you. All the best

  21. Thanks for the beautiful reply, Nadia.
    I happen to know your elder sister and I must say all three of you are mashaAllah amazing
    take care 😡

  22. Lots of love and prayers for you and that real man of your life.im glad good human still exist..thanku for sharing ur story.my sincere prayers and good wishes for your life ahead

  23. Thank you for the love and prayers. All the best to you too 🙂

  24. You are so brave and inspirational person I ever know. I must say that some days are just bad days, that’s all. You have to experience sadness to know happiness. Sometimes bad things happen to very good people but at least if you try to do good things, then you’re spending your time doing something worthwhile.
    Most importantly lots of prayers and appreciation for your in-laws and husband who understands you and treat you for what you are.

    1. Hi Sara, Thank you for dropping by and sending this warm message. Much appreciated. Lots of duas for you too.

  25. Hi nadiya. It feels so good after reading this. I am so depressed right now as I am going through the same phase. Abusive and toxic partners make it hell for you whether it is marrying them or whether asking them for a divorce. I am so happy that I am leaving an abusive hopeless creature. Please send some duas my way. I am in so much anger these days but can’t say anything. I wasted my 3 years. It’s so painful. My Allah reward you for this post. Please pray for me. Allah gives me sabr and remove my anger for such hopeless people. Thank you.

    1. Hi there. so sorry to hear about your hard time. I will definitely specially pray for you. May Allah make it easier for you. So proud of you to have the courage to walk out of such a terrible marriage. Allah will definitely make life easier for you now. Its just this current difficult phase which you have to bear. you’ll see itll get so much better once you’re fully out of it. Lots of love and prayers.

  26. You are the real life HERO

    1. so sweet. Thank you so much.

  27. I cant praise you enough for sharing this. Its extremely painful to recall the abusive past. I wish i read this an year ago when i was going through my divorce. It still is so reassuring. It is very difficult for girls in our society n culture to convince family n other relatives that the partner they chose for her is abusive and u r not just throwing away ur marriage on a whim. We do need to educate girls about not only marriage contract but also divorce process n custody issues if u have kids and also learn from our past n raise good, honest men.

    1. Hey thanks for your feedback. It sure is hard but Im glad ive moved so ahead in life that it doens’t hurt me anymore. Allah ka shukar. So true that we must educate women before they get married. That was one main reason I started my blog. I felt so strongly after divorce that women need awareness. its so so important. All parents have this responsibility to train their girls before they marry them off.

    2. Sorry to hear about your hard time too. But Im glad you moved on. what you said is exactly how I feel.

  28. U go girl … Allah keep u strong all life may u have blessed life with your cutie pie daughter and husband

    1. Thank you.

  29. Maa Shaa Allah loved ur story may Allah give u lots of blessings 😊

    1. thank you so much

  30. really tears comes in my eyes. You are such a strong girl MashAllah and you said right your 2nd husband is a real man.
    May you stay happy forever.
    Please pray for me too 🙂

    1. Thank you so much for your kind comment.

  31. Hey! I’ve been following you for so long but I never really knew what you went through. Idk how I come across this article today at this point of time. So so much respect & prayers for you. We must respect ourselves before we want others to respect us and acknowledge our struggles. You went through a lot and you are so brave to come out of this. Wish you a happiest journey ahead.

    1. Thank you for your kind comment.

    2. Hey Nadia
      I remember when I first saw you in Lahore at my husband’s office tour. Young, energetic nadia holding a camera capturing all around and making memories. I would have never known if my husband wouldn’t have told me that its haris’s 2nd marriage and nadia came out of an abusive marriage. Today i came to know the whole story and i must say that we are not aware why Allah put us in the hardship but one thing for sure is that Allah is watching all and no doubt that He will reward everyone of us out of our deeds. You are brave, courageous and now blessed Masha’Allah ❤️

      1. Thank you so much for your kind words. Its haaris’s first marriage, 2nd for me.

  32. Wow ! What a strong and courageous women . Such women should train boys as their sons or students in such a way that they should prove they are brought up by such a great women.

  33. Hi, I’m one of Waliya’s followers actually from a long time and used to see you all on her instagram. I recently followed your account and found your parenting values etc to be what I want and then in your AMA I found out you went through this and posted this in response to someone’s question.
    Anyway, I have been in the same boat and I took divorce/Khula myself last month after one year of an extremely toxic and abusive arranged marriage, going thru a lot of similar things you went thru only in the same city as my parents but I was isolated and manipulated by my husband and in laws too in every possible way. I got pregnant within a month of marriage and had to go through all of it during pregnancy, and when eventually I filed for Khula, they approached the judge handling my case to drag it as he was not even willing to let me go from his clutches. Took me 6months to get it and tons of visits to courts, multiple legal cases and also he never cares for my daughter who was born premature bkz of everything I was through.
    I still have a long way ahead to be completely free from him, and multiple cases in courts bkz he even damaged me professionally as well as personally, he is even trying to take custody of my daughter so I’ll return to him… But I am finding my way to be strong, and your story helped me see that a happy and fulfilling life is possible after trauma and abuse. I could write on and on about what happened with me in this one year, but I hope you the point.
    Thank you for sharing your story, and giving courage to me.
    I hope my daughter and I find peace and joy too in this life.

    1. I pray for your and your daughters peace, happiness and prosperity. It is so hard but Inshallah you will get out of it and you would feel like you have finally got your life back. I pray that time comes very soon! Lots of love, prayers and hugs. Remember, this too shall pass.

  34. Dear nadia, I just read ur inspirational story. You are brilliantly successful woman and also for the women ,who came through tough relationships. You are lucky enough to get a dream man, there are many others who literally cannot even think of taking any further steps because for kids as a barrier.
    Hope you thrive more in your future, be happy and enjoy your life.
    You are so pretty, lively, disciplined, organised and talented.
    Stay blessed with you handsome husband and little kidos
    Love ❤️

    1. Thank you so much. So kind of you!

  35. I just love your tips on parenting .. following you when nyra was 2 years old . My daughters age fellow and same month also . October 🥰. Now you are mother of 2. Ma Sha Sha.baby zyem is your copy..used to watch each n every post of yours . Your trips .your house parties your gatherings each n every thing.
    Read many times that you used to talk about divorce but never found about ur divorce. Now I must say you are the cutest beautiful and strongest girl . Haris Bhai is lucky enough as he choosed you as his first and forever wife 💖.. strong mothers have strong daughters. Shiren aunti is an inspiring example. That abusive man must regreted as he didn’t respect u love u . He could never be happy as he left loyal girl .he didn’t deserve a strong beautiful kind hearted woman like you,. After 3 years of following you came across today about ur divorce (past) and proud of you so much api…

    1. So sweet of you to send such a kind and thoughtful message.

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