Marriage

Questions to Ask Before You Say ‘I Do’

Today I am sharing some thoughts on when a woman gets a marriage proposal. This is the biggest decision of both their lives and of course she just can’t enter it with no research nor questions. By the time a man proposes a woman, he has already done his research and is swayed to marry her. However, she also needs to be assured and convinced in order to say yes. This is a difficult time in her life as it is true that marriage is a gamble and no matter how much you investigate; you can never be sure till you live with the person. But for our own peace of mind, and chances of knowing the truth (before its too late), there are some important points we must discuss with him.
The list that I am sharing with you today has a lot of questions. Of course we don’t want to sound like investigators and interrogate our spouse to be. But casually or informally, I suggest knowing the answers to all the following questions before you enter a commitment. In many cases, girl and her family already know the answers to many of the questions below. All those can be crossed out. We all have different priorities so we may add or subtract questions from the list below. The points I feel are most important are underlined and we must address them before entering into a marriage contract.
Some people can be very charming and can be good liars at the same time. So when we ask these questions, we have to be alert and look for body language and other signs also. Normally, when a person is asked a question he tells the truth, unless someone who has something majorly wrong in his personality. The challenge is to catch those signs to save yourself a lifetime of agony.
 Questions to ask before you say ‘I do’
 Personality:
1.       Which 5 words describe you best?
2.       Are you easy going or do you like things done in a particular way?
3.       Do you like to plan the future ahead or take each day as it comes?
4.       Do you get angry quickly? What do you do when you are extremely angry?
5.       Do you have a lot of friends?
6.       Do you like to party with friends a lot?
7.       Do you smoke? How often?
8.       Describe your best and worst habits?
9.       Are you enthusiastic about traveling?
10.   What are your spending habits?  Do you spend extravagantly or miserly?
11.   Is there anything important about you that I should know before we enter a relationship?
Family
12.   Who are your family members?
13.   Are you close to your family? Who are you closest to?
14.   How close are you to your parents?
15.   I want to be there for my parents esp in their old age or difficult times. Would you support that?
16.   Do you want children? How soon? How many?
17.   Will one of us be a stay-at-home parent?
18.   Do you like to go on holidays with family or would you rather save up?
Finances
19.   Do we have any debts or loans? If so, when will they be paid off?
20.   Your views on a working woman as your wife.  
21.   What about your wife’s earning? Do you respect Islam’s view on that?
22.   If both husband and wife are spending their earning/saving on expenses and assets, will they both be owners of their possessions or will it all only be on his name? 
23.   Do you believe in having a good saving backup for the couple in case of rainy days and emergencies? Do you spend everything you earn or do you make it a point to save up?
Religion
24.   Are you God fearing? How religious are you? Do you believe in what the book says?
25.   What are your core values which you never compromise on?
26.   How devout are our religious practices? Namaz, Fasting, Hajj etc
27.   Do you drink? Have you ever? Would you take a sip if you had a chance? Social drinking?
28.   Do you think a person’s values are important?
29.   Do you think one gets values from religion? Family or are they inbuilt in every person?
Relationship
30.   Do you believe in fairness in a relationship or do you believe it’s the girl who compromises?
31.   Have you had a girlfriend, been engaged or married before? Reasons it ended.
32.   Do you believe a husband can ever raise his hand on wife under any circumstances?
33.   What are your views on space in a couple?
34.   Do you agree husband & wife should have free will or should they control each other’s actions?
35.   What are your views on respecting spouse? Views on domestic abuse?
36.   What in your opinion is the most important thing in a marriage?
37.   How important is communication in a relationship?
Career
38.   Clearly define your career goals and ask him his.
39.   Do you plan to change your career anytime or start a business?
40.   Do you ever plan to pursue your studies further? If so, how will we get regular income after marriage?
41.   Does your company provide medical facilities for family?
Home Life
42.   Where will we live?
43.   Will we help each other in household/outside chores?
44.  Will we be in joint family or separate? If so, how do we plan to spend quality time together?
45.   Would you allow me to keep pets in the house anytime in the future?
Wedding
46.   Ideas on wedding functions. Simple or extravagant?
47.   Engagement, Nikkah, wedding, honeymoon?
I hope this post was helpful. I had been wanting to write on this topic for so long. But a follower recently encouraged me to write on relationships. Thank you for your lovely feedback, makes me want to write more. Lots of love.

 

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3 Comments

  • Hafsa Abdul

    This is a very insightful article.
    I am from Srilanka but originally Indian and then studied in Pakista for 6 years.My family culture is very similar to that in Pakistan and India.This article makes a lot of sense to the way marriages in our community are arranged too:)
    I initially randomly stumbled upon your organising articles and since then have been dropping by every now and then to see what you have written.MashaAllah you have really good writing skills.

  • Hafsa Abdul

    This is a very insightful article.
    I am from Srilanka but originally Indian and then studied in Pakista for 6 years.My family culture is very similar to that in Pakistan and India.This article makes a lot of sense to the way marriages in our community are arranged too:)
    I initially randomly stumbled upon your organising articles and since then have been dropping by every now and then to see what you have written.MashaAllah you have really good writing skills.

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