How I Traced my Missing Family
This is a continuation of my article how I began the quest to discover my missing family. These two articles in a way define me. The moment I found my Nani’s lost cousin, I felt complete. The happiness in her eyes made all my effort worth it.
My mom Shireen Najib (1957-), me Nadiya (1985-) and my Nani Rosemary (1934-) on Eid in July 2014
In 2011, I had been living in London for almost four years, I hadn’t seen my Nani Rosemary even once during that time. I missed her terribly and wanted to buy her a present but nothing seemed to be good enough. Knowing she would be absolutely thrilled if I succeed, I felt the urge to search for Nani’s long-lost relatives.
My Nani Rosemary (1937-) with her mom Freda Dorothy May Young (1910-1957)
By this time it had been 50 years since she lost contact with all her cousins and relatives. Even then, of course my Nani was never able to forget her relations. There was hardly a day when she didn’t mention her parents, aunts and cousins. It is true that the family and cousins one grows up with can never be forgotten.
Pedigree view of my Nani’s family tree on www.ancestry.co.uk
I secretly really hoped that one day I would find Nani’s long lost cousin Robin from whom she last heard in 1962 and see the excitement in her eyes before its too late.
I looked it up on the internet and bought membership of the biggest family tree website in the UK called Ancestry. The monthly membership was a bit costly but I thought it would be worth it if I’m successful in my mission and that’s when I started my research. Every time the website matches a person from your family tree to a person in someone else’s, it makes a leaf on it. You are then led to that person’s tree to make sure it is the same person as yours.
My Nani’s step-grandfather Walter Erymin Louis Mabert (1887-1961)
and her grandmother Ethel Grace Smit (1886-1958)
I then messaged people whose family trees entwined with mine and got in touch with so many strangers who turned out to be my relatives. Each one of these provided me with first-hand information about their side on my family tree which I updated in mine. We all shared our trees with each other and exchanged the difference in information. With their help, my oldest ancestor Robert Forge has been traced back from 1580. This is definitely an achievement which wouldn’t have been possible without the membership and help from newly found relatives.
I paid the membership subscription for 2 months, and within that time, I put an effort day and night (after long office hours) in finding my lost relations so I could unsubscribe once achieving my goal.
In this process, I made so many friends and we are hoping one day we will have a family get together. The venue would be hard to decide as there are branches of my family tree in literally all continents of the world now. Through Ancestry website, I got in touch with a lot of valuable people who I will be talking about now.
Initially, I met Kate Rimmer who is my Nani’s maternal great grandmother’s sister’s grandson’s granddaughter. Basically, her great-great-grandmother Frances Letitia Seaman (1843-1914) was the stepsister of my great great great grandmother Margaret Agnes Seaman (1869-1944). She calculated that she and I are half-fourth cousins once removed. I am not sure how that works out.
Keith Walter Young (1944-)
During this process, I connected with Keith Walter Young (1944-) who is my Nani’s paternal uncle’s grandson and gave me more information on his side of the family. He has been an interesting find. Many of my distant relations like him have already worked on their family trees. He is the one who gave me the dates of death of my Nani’s Aunts and Uncles whom Nani was so fond of and never had any news since 1962. Of course, they all had passed away.
We both were eager to share our trees with each other and thus connect the dots. He lives in Johannesburg, South Africa has 3 kids and is a grandfather of four baby girls. When I told my Nani about finding him, she was so happy to know that he is her uncle Bertram Young (1881-1936) as known as her uncle Berty’s grandson. Keith and I have been friends since then and keep exchanging notes on our relatives.
A little glimpse of Keith’s line
I also exchanged notes with a guy named David Brothwood. His wife’s great-grandfather Claudius Darlington Seaman (1850-) was the brother of my Nani’s great-grandmother Margaret Agnes Seaman (1869-1944). David was intrigued to hear about our connection. He also invited me to his house at Chester UK where he resides.
Valerie Schirru (1970-) with her family
During the process, my most important find is a beautiful and wonderful lady Valerie Schirru (1970-). She has two children and lives in Alberta, Canada. I messaged her on Ancestry saying that I can see that you are also interested in the same ancestors as I am. So we figured out how we are related.
Valerie’s mother-in-law’s maternal grandmother Ada Kilburn (1884-1941) is my Nani’s maternal grandfather [Fred Kilburn (1872-1913)]s’ sister. In other words, Nani’s mother Freda Dorothy May Kilburn (1910-1957) was the first cousin of Valerie’s husbands’ grandmother Ruth Edna Figures (1920-2010 as shown on the right). I know it is confusing to understand these relations which is why making a family tree is so important. Because Nani’s mother only had one sibling, other than Robin, these are her closest cousins by relation.
Ada Kilburn (1884-1941) (Nani’s grandfather Fred Kilburn’s sister)
Valerie and I have become good friends since then. She is also passionate about genealogy. She and her mother-in-law Marilynn Web (1941-) have been trying to find my ancestors for over 15 years. About ten years ago she finally found out that Gerald Young (1907-1983) and Dorothy Kilburn(1910-1957) had a daughter named Rosemary (1934-) but she had no more information.
We were the only blanks in her family tree so she was enthusiastic to find out where my grandmother Rosemary was and how she was doing. She told me that she has been so excited ever since I got in touch with her as she finally knows about her missing family from India.
David and Marilyn Shirru (Valerie’s husband and his mom)
She told me that her cousin Jim Dukes in Ontario, Canada has been on the hunt. Once Jim’s daughter even traveled all the way to India on a trip and tried to search in vain for relatives of Kilburns who might be alive as they knew there was a side of Kilburns left in India. Now they are all so happy and satisfied ever since they heard from me. I then sent Valerie pictures of my grandparents and her family was overjoyed to see them.
While we started discussing our family tree, I mentioned my search for Nani’s missing cousin Robin Kilburn (1937-2015). She told us that she had also been looking for him for years and that she is excited to have found him recently.
I couldn’t believe my ears when I heard that. It was like a dream come true, as I always had the dream to tell my Nani that I had found your long-lost brother.
Robin Frederick Charles in 1956 and 2014
I asked Valerie for Robin’s email address and emailed him instantly. I immediately got his reply and he was ecstatic to hear from me. We had so much to talk about. He said he couldn’t believe that I was Rosemary’s granddaughter. I wanted to know what happened after he left India and where had he been.
He was also so curious and had assumed we all moved to Australia as Nani’s dad Gerald had moved there after partition. Robin didn’t know about Gerald’s death. He told me that he left India after 1953 and spent a couple of years in the UK and then moved to Canada, mostly in Vancouver BC and spent 8 years in Puerto Vallata, Mexico.
Robin Frederick Charles Kilburn (1937-)
He was over the moon to hear about Rosemary being well and healthy. After the email exchange and confirmation that it was really Robin, it was time to tell Nani. I was so excited and couldn’t wait till Pakistan’s daytime to call and let my Nani know.
Robin Frederick Charles Kilburn (1937-)
I finally called up my Nani from England and said “Nani guess what? I have found Robin”. She couldn’t believe her ears. She laughed and cried out of joy and emotions. She told me that I had given her the best gift she could ever ask for. Nothing else in the world would give her this joy. This moment and the look in her eyes is what made it all worth it.
She had lost all her family after marriage so finally knowing about her relatives made her feel whole again. I told her that Robin is also really excited and is dying to hear from her.
Unfortunately, Robin never got married and has no children. He lived with his partner in Mexico but recently his partner had passed away. That made me realize why it is important to get married and have kids so we continue our legacy. Otherwise, a whole branch in the family tree is cut off. We would’ve had new cousins if he did have kids.
Robin couldn’t wait to see Rosemary’s picture and she couldn’t either. He added me and my family on Facebook as well. My Nani obviously couldn’t recognize the man in the picture. Apparently, 50 years change a persons appearance a lot but they both are pleased to know that they haven’t changed much from the inside.
Robin and my mom spoke to each other often too. She felt great to have got a new uncle whom she heard about all her life. My Nana is also happy to see the smile on his wife’s face. So, this has been the happy ending of my search. It has been nothing short of a miracle for our family.
My grandfather Brigadier Malik Muhammad Sarfaraz Khan (1927-)
Valerie Shirru also sent me a ‘Kilburn Story’ document which has a brief summary of the siblings of my great grandfather Sergeant Major Fred Kilburn (1872-1918). The entire life of your close ancestors in the family tree is summarized in one paragraph. That has inspired me also (my next project!).Valerie and Keith are the ones who provided me with most of the priceless information regarding my ancestors. I am so grateful to them for this. I am unable to put my excitement into words. Valerie and I love to plan our family get-together. We both are excited to fly to the USA and meet up there on my next trip.
Right before I got married in August 2015, I woke up and casually facebooked when I saw Robin tagged. I opened the picture and was shocked to know that he passed away. May his soul RIP. I didn’t have the courage to tell my nani for a few months. When she was finally told, she was so emotional and upset. But at least they got to talk for some years after the reunion.
Thank you for stopping by.
I hope these articles can inspire you to look for your relatives. I know this hobby requires a lot of hard work, patience and perseverance but its definitely worth it. Once you start learning more about your ancestors and find lost relatives, there really is an amazing feeling of satisfaction which no retail therapy could provide.
Hello, nadiya. I have read your ” how I traced my missing family”. It's such an amazing story, and I'm so impressed by your constant efforts in finding your family roots and your language skills. My emotions had been ups and downs through the whole story. Especially when I read that you finally found your nani's cousin robin, my emotion hit the top roof. So glad that all your hard work had been paid off, and I'm so glad about the reunion between your nani and robin after 50 years. There is no any better gift that anyone could ever give her. This story shakes my values about family roots, and it also made me to rethink the values of marriage and having a family. It's an amazing story, thank you. 🙂 Regards, Zhanzhao Dong.
Thank you so much for your detailed comment. Loved it! It was surely a wonderful time for my family when my nani heard about Robin.
It's a such powerful story. It illustrates the true meaning about family. It brings the family relationship closer, especially to people like me, spending most of their life far away from my family. It is a great story��Zhanzhao Dong
I am so impressed by how you've put everything together and the way you've worded things so nicely! It's inspired me to try and compile all of my info and photo's into something others can enjoy & make sense of! Thanks again for sharing such a treat!
Valerie Schirru
Hi Valerie. Its always lovely hearing your comments. You have been my inspiration in my Genealogy endeavors. I will tag you in my next post where I have talked about how your 'The Kilburn Story' article inspired me to start my Genealogy Journal. Thanks for your support. CAnt wait for the day we finally meet. Hugs.
hey Zhanzhao Dong, thanks for your support. Always great to get such positive feedback. I'm so glad you enjoyed reading our story.
Dear All
I have a full 'Seaman Family Genealogy' web site for the UK:
http://www.seamanfamilygenealogy.info
and would like to contribute to you the full family tree for your Seaman relatives. i.e., Claudius Darlington Seaman (1850-) was the brother of my Nani’s great grandmother Margaret Agnes Seaman (1869-1944. Claudius's father was William Seaman and Priscilla Walton – married 19 Nov 1847. Previous to that William was married to Mary Anne Murray
William's parents were William Seaman and Abigail Bangay, I also have details of the generations before them.
If you would like to contact me my contact details is on the 'CONTACT ME' section of my web site
Regards
Phil
very good story genealogy is my hobby my genealogy from india and mexico and spain ,usa i help many people with genealogy i can you
Thanks for your message. That’s great. I’m glad you’ve traced your family history too. Glad to have connected. Good luck.
It’s 2:47AM in Mississauga right now, I just happened to find your Instagram account through your sisters(cause her Nikah pictures are all over Insta — MA and Mubarak), I initially clicked on your website cause I saw the “Recommended Books” highlights in your bio. I still haven’t found the books section. I digress, but I eventually ended up at the Genealogy section. My mama and I spent the past hour going through your two parter on how you traced Nani’s cousin Robin and dissected every relation you listed on there. Alhumdulilah I’m fortunate to have cousins ranging from First to perhaps Fifth within GTA so you can get an idea of how much I enjoyed reading about your search. Thank you for such an intriguing read. I didn’t take notice of the date when you first wrote this, but did you face any challenges mapping a family tree on your Dad’s side at all? Family trees are so much fun to follow. I come from a large Farooqui-Syed clan and I’m grateful a lot of my family members have managed to keep records of our family history going back to the advent of Islam. Thank you again for sharing your beautiful story with us 🙂 – Zia
Thank you so much for your beautiful comment. I wrote it some years ago. I have been a genealogist for a long time now. Interesting to know you’re also into such details. There is a recommended books section on my website under ‘Free Resources’ with all links of my favourite books. Happy to hear you liked my blog post on how we found robin. Yes we faced a lot of problems in finding desi side of my family. I wrote about it in Genealogy section on my blog too. Women were not listed in those family trees. Only men gave birth to sons. It was alarming! Thanks again for stopping by.