Marriage Social Issues Struggle

A Dialogue with an Abused Wife

This article goes out to all those facing abuse in their every day married lives in the hope for a better tomorrow. 

I see so many wives suffering in the world. It haunts me to hear endless stories of hurt around me. Why would any sane human being want to inflict pain on the weaker one? He is not sane. He is a complexed, sadistic psychopath.

Ever since I started creating awareness about this, I have heard of a lot of such cases. Many girls have even called me up and told me their story. Unfortunately, most of them don’t have the strength to take any necessary steps. They keep tolerating abuse for the sake of their families or kids which is not right. This is how our conversation goes.

Why does he keep abusing me?

Being silent is your sin. Hadh se zyada zulm sehna bhi gunah hai. By being quiet about the violence, you are encouraging immorality. You’re not taking a stand, you are encouraging him.

But I do love him. 

Know that whoever abuses you has never loved you. Love is respect. He who can’t respect you is not worthy of your love.

I’m saving my home and I can’t even imagine leaving my home. 

Home is where you find peace. Home is never a torture cell. Where there is abuse, there was never a home.

I pray one day he will change. 

A man can never change his nature. Once an abuser, always an abuser.

He is otherwise good to me. Marriage is about a girl’s compromise.

How can he be good to you if he has committed the worst crime of all and has shattered your self-respect. Both have to compromise in a marriage. Compromising on abuse is foolish and wrong.

I can’t leave him only because of my kids.

The kids are worse off now as they are living on a battleground. Their little personalities are getting bruised up every time you both fight. It will be better for them to be away from abusive relationships even if it is at the cost of living without one of the parents.

Where will I go?

Trust Allah. Have faith in Him. Contact your parents and siblings. Get your life back and rebuild your life with courage.

Who will support me?

If you’re educated, get a job. If you’re not, get a skill and start working and earning for yourself as soon as you can. It will keep your mind off all the negative thoughts too.

But I can’t live without him?

God has made us very strong. We only evolve out of traumas as stronger and better people. Getting rid of negative people in your life actually let’s you breathe better.

No one will ever marry me if I get divorced.

Absolutely wrong. Countless examples of men around us in our society who choose to marry divorcees. I personally know so many. Most of them are happily married now. Focus on becoming the best person you can be. Being a divorcee shouldn’t be your worry. You need to free yourself from evil surroundings first and then expect goodness from the world.

What will people say?

To hell with people. They can say the hell they want. It’s your life and only Allah knows what you are going through. A tragedy is like a strainer. Don’t worry! the good ones will remain and stand by you. You don’t need unnecessary people in your life anyway. Good riddance. It is much better to live alone happily than to be married and abused. If you’re fortunate (like me) you will find a loving man and a loving family even after a tragedy. Otherwise, live alone peacefully. Let’s end this here. Today. Right now.

Don’t be a victim, be a survivor.

Know your rights. Reach out for help.  

Say No to abuse.  

Video Links of Abusive Marriages

I am sharing a video link below from Samina Peerzada’s interview with Jugan where she talks about her abusive marriage and how she got out of it and is happily married now.

Following is another video link from Sanam Baloch morning show of the consequences of staying in an abusive marriage and the rights of wife in Islam:

Here’s what Dr. Phill has to say about Abusive Marriages:

Following is a TED talk which will give you goosebumps:

Let’s break the silence to help other victims! Abuse thrives only on silence. Let’s create awareness and end this once and for all. 

If you know someone who is suffering, please share this article with them. Let’s help them out.

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Nadiya Najib

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4 Comments

  1. Beautiful and inspiring!!

  2. This.
    Get your life back and rebuild your life with courage.

  3. Im glad you like it. Thanks for your comment.

  4. Thankyou bheni

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