Friday, 23 December 2016

Marriage Lessons for Young Couples

It is true that we only learn through experience. But I feel it is too risky to learn about marriage once you're in it. Its best to learn through others experience and know whats right and whats wrong. I feel quite strongly about this topic. Honestly I would love to open counselling centres where girls, boys and mothers are trained on basic concepts of marriage. Many times, family members are the ones who spoil it all unknowingly. There needs to be basic training on how to become better people. Its our spouse who has to bear our bad habits. Everyone has different concepts on marriage but there are certain things which are black and white and there are no two ways about them. Following are the lessons I have learned:





1. Your relationship with spouse should be fair. 
Pakistani culture which insists that it is a girl who has to compromise most in a relationship is only encouraging men to behave badly. Relationships need to be fair. It’s not right for one spouse to keep compromising every time and the other getting his way. On principle, it should be 50:50, both compromise equally. That would be an ideal marriage. Wives compromise more than husbands so then it can be stretched to 60:40 at the most. Having a relationship with your spouse which has a worse ratio than the above, is definitely an unfair relationship and you must seek help.

2. When we are getting married, the most important thing to look for is a good person. 
A person’s big car or house has no value if he is a wretch. We must marry a person who has good moral values. If he has a good relationship with his family members, that speaks good about his character. If he says his prayers, reads the Quran and is close to Allah, it generally another sign of being a good person. When we are looking for a husband, we should look for a God-fearing person. Not someone who doesn’t care a damn and does what he wants. Same qualities are for a man searching for a wife. He shouldn't only look for a gorgeous girl who cooks well. He should look for a God fearing woman who has a good moral character. Both husband and wife should try to improve their bad habits and be better people in a continuous effort to make their own and their partners lives easier. 



3. Never get married if husband is unemployed/student.
In Islam, once a Nikkah takes place, housing, clothing and feeding wife and children becomes the husband’s responsibility. If the husband is going for studies, he should never be getting married on the first place. Expecting your daughter-in-law to earn for your son is wrong to start with. Marrying off your sons when they are at a marriageable age is all nonsense if is not even capable of bringing food on the table. There may be a chance of engagement while finance is not yet done with studies but there should not even be a question of Nikkah until husband is earning well enough for both. 

4. Groom your sons before marriage.
Being the baby and centre of attention only looks good when he’s two. An adult man who is pampered by the whole family is not capable of even looking after his own self, what to talk about his wife and kids. Family should teach him how to grow up, act like a man and be a man. He should never be raised to behave like a sissy girl.

5. Set the ground rules at the beginning of marriage.
What we say and do in the beginning of the marriage is how you are laying the ground rules for your own future. We should start a relationship which is fair, and in which the girl doesn’t allow her husband to ask her personal questions like how much she is earning, what she is spending on and how much saving she is doing. He should be given the impression that she is old enough to manage her finances and that husband should only worry about his responsibilities. He should also know that certain actions are not permissible in this marriage under any circumstances (physical, verbal and mental abuse). I suggest couples should go through a list of their priorities in a marriage during their engagement period. They both should know what is most important thing they are looking for in a marriage and both should know what they will not get away with. Also, whatever happens during the start of the marriage continues. So in case wife earns and husband lives on her money in the beginning of the relationship, then that trend will never stop even if he starts earning. Its best never to set such a pattern to start with.



6. Never change your name to your husband’s no matter how much he pressurises.
Islam gives the woman right to keep her full name which her father kept. She is not supposed to change her name. These are things a girl must take stand on. These should be decided even before getting married. Legal requirement is only that on her ID card she needs to change fathers name to husbands name to prove that now she is married. She does not need to change her second name and surname to husbands in legal matters.

7. Never tell your husband everything about your finances. 
Not telling your husband each and every detail of your money matters isn’t being secretive and untrusting, it is being sensible and careful. Islam’s rules are the best. According to Islam, if a woman works or has money, it is not her duty to give it all to her husband or even buy household stuff from it. It is completely her choice if she wants to do so. In my opinion and experience, it is a very big mistake on our part. Whatever investment you have made with your money and saving, you will naturally later on spend it on your husband and kids. But the power to make that decision should remain in your own hands. Disclosing such private matters to husband can make your life hell. 



8. Always have your own locker in your own name and have your jewelry and important documents safe there. 
Never let your mother-in-law or anyone else to keep them for you. Be very careful and take good care of your belongings yourself. Do not at any cost give them an idea that you are careless or they will not let you keep your possessions. We all make mistakes, but never tell your mistake to your in-laws or husband, they will think you are a careless person.

9. Be there for your spouse at his/her difficult time. 
During our life, we face a number of difficult times. A family member’s illness or death is one of such times when we must be there for our spouse no matter what. Your words of comfort or a hug at the most difficult time are moments your spouse will never ever forget. On the other hand, if you are not there for your spouse at such a time, then your relationship will mean nothing.

10. Always keep all your legal documents (passport, CNIC, driving license, visas) with yourself. 
Don’t leave them around at someone else’s house, even if it’s your in-laws house. Always have a lockable drawer or cupboard and have the key in your own purse. 


11. Always upload a copy of all your important and legal documents on your personal online space. 
You will need a copy of those anytime anywhere. They should always be just one click away from you. For more on this topic, see my complete article on organising legal documents here

12. Always encourage your spouse to pursue his/her hobbies, meet friends and family
Being controlling never helps anybody. As humans, we all need freedom which is necessary for a good quality of life. Stopping wife from visiting her family is something which is extremely common in our society and is a terrible human trait. I fail to understand why these husbands think of her family as a threat. He should be happy to let her go meet her family. That way she will be happier when she returns to him. You should always put yourself in spouses shoes before you order her around. How would you feel if she stops you from meeting your family or friends? 



13. Never involve parents in your petty marital problems. Never discuss them with a friend of opposite gender. 
It will only make matters worse.You can trust a loyal friend and seek help from her if theres a dire need. In case there are serious issues with your marriage like abuse, one will have to be clear and let parents know in the intention to solve the major issue. In case of abuse, it is a mistake not to let parents know. Abuse should never be tolerated. 

14. Money is not everything. 
Materialism is a never ending race. You’re trying to work more hours to get more money. Even when you spend time at home, you are wondering how much you could be earning if you worked that hour. Just stop your thoughts right there. This rat race is never ending.  We should have enough money to afford a comfortable life and some saving for a rainy day.  Having too much money and not enough time to spend it with your loved ones and at home is not worth it. 


My great grand mother Freda Dorothy May Young used to pray: 
'Oh God! give me enough to cover my needs, I do not wish for more than that'. 



15. Trust unconditionally.
There is a saying if you love someone, let them go. It means you trust them completely. Don't stop her from working or sports in the fear that she may like some other guy. Love requires trust. If you can't trust your spouse, there isn't much left in the marriage. Love is about loving your spouse with your whole heart and then letting them go. If you're loving her in the true sense, know that she will never ever choose anyone over you. 



One can really feel the positive energy that builds around couples who are in love. You can see it in their eyes, you can tell by their tone and in their dimples. Even being around them is sheer bliss. Love is really an amazing feeling. No it is not over-rated. In fact, if you're lucky to be in a loving marriage, it probably is under-rated. I feel couples have the power of making each others life hell or heaven. The truth is whatever you choose, will be your destination as well as you travel in the same boat.  

I just pray and hope that all couples in the world realise how important each others happiness is for their and their family's well being and sanity and make efforts accordingly.

Lots of love. Thanks for stopping by. 


19 comments:

  1. Agree with everything but obviously its from a girls perspective. Not a guys.

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  2. How I Got My Ex Husband Back...........

    I am Shannon by name. Greetings to every one that is reading this testimony. I have been rejected by my husband after three(3) years of marriage just because another woman had a spell on him and he left me and the kid to suffer. one day when i was reading through the web, i saw a post on how this spell caster on this address Makospelltemple@yahoo.com , have help a woman to get back her husband and i gave him a reply to his address and he told me that a woman had a spell on my husband and he told me that he will help me and after 2 days that i will have my husband back. i believed him and today i am glad to let you all know that this spell caster have the power to bring lovers back. because i am now happy with my husband. Thanks for Dr.Mako. His email: Makospelltemple@yahoo.com OR. his phone number: +2348108737816.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi everyone!

      My Boyfriend broke up with me, I thought I had lost everything.i cry all day and think that he will never come back to me again.i read a testimony by a man called James Montes about him saying that how Dr.Unity help him to get back is EX wife within 28 hours.I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a (Love spell) for me. 28 hours later, my (Ex Boyfriend) came to me and apologized for the wrongs he did and promise never to do it again. Ever since then, everything has returned back to normal and our love is now stronger that he can't do without being with me. I and my boyfriend are living together happily again. Dr.unity is the best online spell caster that is powerful and genuine. And when I was at my most desperate,he didn’t take advantage of me. You performed a very good service for a person in true need. I don’t know how you did it, or how this magic works, but all I know is, IT WORKS!! Andrew and i are happily back together, and I’ll always be grateful to Dr.unity, if you are here and you need your Ex back or your husband moved to another woman, do not cry anymore, contact this powerful spell caster now. Here’s his contact,
      Email him at: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com ,
      Call or Whats-app him: +2348071622464 ,
      Web site:www.drunity.blogspot.com ,
      I am Regina Moore British Citizen.

      Delete
  3. Thank you DR BLESSING for your genuine and powerful love spells. I'm Lilian by name. From California This is really incredible, and I have never experienced anything like this in my entire life. Before i met you Sir, i have tried every probable means that i could to get my husband back, but i actually came to realize that nothing was working out for me, and that my husband had developed lot of hatred for me.. I thought there was no hope to reunite with my husband. But when i read good reviews about how DR BLESSING helped others, I decided to Email him at blessingspiritualtemple@gmail.com to give it a try and i did everything that he instructed me and i Trusted in him and followed his instructions just as he have guaranteed me in 24 hours, and that was exactly when my husband called me..Sir We are more contented now than ever. Everything looks perfect and so natural! Thank you so much Sir for your authentic and indisputable spells. here again his
    contact details you too can be blessed with his work

    Email; blessingspiritualtemple@gmail.com

    whatsapp, +19514090694

    Thanks Sir for your help.

    ReplyDelete
  4. HOW TO GET YOUR EX BACK WITHOUT PANIC
    I Am Hair From North Carolina. i want to testify about powerful Dr Azuka for saving my Relationship.I must be one of the few who don’t have a trouble showing and telling someone how grateful I am for making my Relationship a melodious and smooth Relationship. I have been trying to be more positive about my relationship with my boyfriend, it seems like it has taken forever. Another lady took my Fiancee away from me and they both relocated. i cried and searched for him to come back but he refused to take my calls nor return my messages. My friend introduced me to a powerful spell caster called Dr Azuka who helped me cast a very powerful love spell that brought back my Fiancee in 48 hours. i was amazed and surprised when my fiancee called to beg me for forgiveness all because of the powerful love spell of Dr Azuka. Don"t fail to Contact Dr Azuka through the following means if You Have Any Marital Or Relationship Problem. His Contact Information Are

    Email: greatazukaspellcast@yahoo.com

    ReplyDelete
  5. Thank you DR BLESSING for your genuine and powerful love spells. I'm Lilian by name. From California This is really incredible, and I have never experienced anything like this in my entire life. Before i met you Sir, i have tried every probable means that i could to get my husband back, but i actually came to realize that nothing was working out for me, and that my husband had developed lot of hatred for me.. I thought there was no hope to reunite with my husband. But when i read good reviews about how DR BLESSING helped others, I decided to Email him at blessingspiritualtemple@gmail.com to give it a try and i did everything that he instructed me and i Trusted in him and followed his instructions just as he have guaranteed me in 24 hours, and that was exactly when my husband called me..Sir We are more contented now than ever. Everything looks perfect and so natural! Thank you so much Sir for your authentic and indisputable spells. here again his
    contact details you too can be blessed with his work

    Email; blessingspiritualtemple@gmail.com

    whatsapp, +19514090694

    Thanks Sir for your help.

    ReplyDelete
  6. My story is probably typical. Husband fell into an affair with a woman at work and left me,i felt my life was over and my kids thought they would never see their father again. i tried to be strong just for the kids but i could not control the pains that torments my heart, my heart was filled with sorrows and pains because i was really in love with my husband. Every day and night i think of him and always wish he would come back to me, I was really upset and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr Unity can help get ex back fast. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a (Love spell) for me. 28 hours later, my husband really called me and told me that he miss me and the kids so much, So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and the kids. Then from that day,our Marriage was now stronger than how it were before,All thanks to Dr Unity. he is so powerful and i decided to share my story on the internet that Dr Unity real and powerful spell caster who i will always pray to live long to help his children in the time of trouble, if you are here and you need your Ex back or your husband moved to another woman, do not cry anymore, contact this powerful spell caster now. Here’s his contact,Email him at: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com , Call or add him on whats-app: +2348071622464 .


    ReplyDelete
  7. I am alive today because Dr.Ogudugu helped me to recover from the pains that i was going through, My name is Elliott from Chicago and i am very happy to express my appreciation to Dr.Ogudugu for helping me to get my husband back to me. I was finally able to contact Dr.Ogudugu who helped me to get my husband, I am glad to drop Dr.Ogudugu details which are: greatogudugu@gmail.com or WhatsApp No: +2348139793075 for urgent help to get your life partner back

    ReplyDelete
  8. I want to use this means to let the world know that all hope is not lost Getting pregnant after having tubes clamped and burned, I know IVF and Reversal could help but it way too cost, i couldn't afford it either and i so desire to add another baby to my family been trying for 5 years, not until i came across Priest Babaka, who cast a pregnancy/Fertility spell for me and i got pregnant.l hope that women out there who are going through the same fears and worries l went through in GETTING PREGNANT , will find your contact as i drop it here on this site, and solution will come to them as they contact you. Thank you and God bless you to reach him email via: babaka.wolf@gmail.com or facebook at priestly.babaka

    ReplyDelete
  9. I want to use this means to let the world know that all hope is not lost Getting pregnant after having tubes clamped and burned, I know IVF and Reversal could help but it way too cost, i couldn't afford it either and i so desire to add another baby to my family been trying for 5 years, not until i came across Priest Babaka, who cast a pregnancy/Fertility spell for me and i got pregnant.l hope that women out there who are going through the same fears and worries l went through in GETTING PREGNANT , will find your contact as i drop it here on this site, and solution will come to them as they contact you. Thank you and God bless you to reach him email via: babaka.wolf@gmail.com or facebook at priestly.babaka

    ReplyDelete
  10. I've gotten back with my ex husband, you can also fix your broken relationship & get your ex-lover back fast. I'm Angel Wesley from the United States. My husband and i have been married for about 6yrs now. We were happily married with two kids, a boy and a girl. 1 months ago, I started to notice some strange behavior from him and a few weeks later, I found out that my husband is seeing someone else. He started coming home late from work, he hardly care about me or the kids anymore, Sometimes he goes out and doesn't even come back home for about 2-3 days. I did all I could to rectify this problem but all to no avail. I became very worried and needed help. so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested Dr Unity can help get ex back fast, restore broken relationships and stop a divorce. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and told him my problems and he told me what to do and i did it and he did a {love spell} for me. 28 hours later, my husband came to me and apologized for the wrongs he did and promise never to do it again. Ever since then, everything has returned back to normal. Thank you Dr Unity for saving my broken Marriage and brought my husband back to me!".. I and my family are living together happily again. Dr.Unity is the best online spell caster that is powerful and genuine. If you have any problem contact him and i guarantee you that he will help you. Here’s his contact..Email him at: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com ,you can also call him or add him on whats-app:+2348071622464.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hey! my life is devastated! I’m going through hell right now from the past one month,i broke up with my bf. we both were completely in love.But i started having some issues with myself. my mood swings were a lot to handle for him an that point i just felt the need to break up and so i did.And i hurt him to the core which i never wanted to.He kept on begging me but i didn’t hear.Later on he started avoiding me and kind of did everything as you said in your video.it felt bad.I always loved him but i had to break up.I regret breaking up so much.But after that he said no to me.He said he’ll never come back as he cannot put faith in me.I have tried my level best but he is adamant that he cannot trust me. even though after i realised what i did.I changed myself completely.I dealt with my mood swings and now i don’t get any.He cannot trust me.what should i do?I love him and he does too but he says he don’t have that much courage to come back. one day in my office going through the internet i saw a post of a lady giving testimony on how she got her husband back,i also come across a blog site on how to reunite and get your ex back with a love spell it was really amazing to see this so i copy his email id on http://happyspelltemple.webs.com/ i explain my situation to him and gave him all the details he requested from me, he give me few days assurance that my boyfriend will come back after the spell i was so overwal to hear that so i just keep calm and follow up his order coz i really love my boyfriend and want him back. on the second day after the spell as he promise me, my ex call me also show up in my office begging me to forgive him and accept him back with out no delay, i lift him up with a kiss and was so very happy to have him back all my happiness was from Dr happy he is indeed a true man a father and a god sent. plz contact Dr happy on his email id direct at happylovespell2@gmail.com or call his mobile number on +2348133873774

    ReplyDelete
  12. I've gotten back with my ex husband, you can also fix your broken relationship & get your ex-lover back fast. I'm Angel Wesley from the United States. My husband and i have been married for about 6yrs now. We were happily married with two kids, a boy and a girl. 1 months ago, I started to notice some strange behavior from him and a few weeks later, I found out that my husband is seeing someone else. He started coming home late from work, he hardly care about me or the kids anymore, Sometimes he goes out and doesn't even come back home for about 2-3 days. I did all I could to rectify this problem but all to no avail. I became very worried and needed help. so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested Dr Unity can help get ex back fast, restore broken relationships and stop a divorce. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and told him my problems and he told me what to do and i did it and he did a {love spell} for me. 28 hours later, my husband came to me and apologized for the wrongs he did and promise never to do it again. Ever since then, everything has returned back to normal. Thank you Dr Unity for saving my broken Marriage and brought my husband back to me!".. I and my family are living together happily again. Dr.Unity is the best online spell caster that is powerful and genuine. If you have any problem contact him and i guarantee you that he will help you. Here’s his contact..Email him at: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com ,you can also call him or add him on whats-app:+2348071622464.

    ReplyDelete
  13. How I Got My Ex Husband Back...........

    I am Shannon by name. Greetings to every one that is reading this testimony. I have been rejected by my husband after three(3) years of marriage just because another woman had a spell on him and he left me and the kid to suffer. one day when i was reading through the web, i saw a post on how this spell caster on this address Makospelltemple@yahoo.com , have help a woman to get back her husband and i gave him a reply to his address and he told me that a woman had a spell on my husband and he told me that he will help me and after 2 days that i will have my husband back. i believed him and today i am glad to let you all know that this spell caster have the power to bring lovers back. because i am now happy with my husband. Thanks for Dr.Mako. His email: Makospelltemple@yahoo.com OR.His WhatsApp Number:+2347054263874.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Getting my Ex back my name is Sarah Ryan. I've known Johnson for years, When we finally got together things were kind of weird so we broke up which was in February of 2015 In June of 2016 he and I recently got back together and we were together until march of 2016 which he told me he was not interested in relationship again During that time I changed completely, I wasn't eating,I was sleeping a lot, I wasn't talking to anybody, I cried a lot,I'm so depressed and stressed out that I'm scared I'm going to end up in the hospital because of all the stress and depression until one day i search online on getting love tips because I Love & care about him deeply and I just want us to be together as a couple again and I want us to last forever Google recommend me superlovespell@gmail.com that he will solve my relationship problem then Dr super told me he will come back to me between 48hrs after he cast spell on him never believe it until my fiance called me on the phone and told me he want us to come back and live happy together forever , Am so happy now that DR SUPER, help me bring Johnson back to me. Thanks so much( Dr Super) his email: superlovespell@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  15. Hi everyone. Am Yolanda , am here today to share my good experience with Dr Blessing with you all on this page and am very happy posting this because for Dr blessing of Blessingspiritualtemple@gmail.com has makes me a very happy woman today, i was very depressed and devastated when Maxwell my boyfriend of 2 years left me for another girl because some of his family members never likes me and this messed my life up in so many different ways , because Maxwell and i have been together for too long and we even making plans of getting married when this whole issues came up , and at this point i have did all i could to make he keep this our love life going , but all end up at nothing, and this kept on running on my head, at this time i couldn't focus on anything i lost my job, even at this i kept on praying to God to bring back my ex i contacted some spiritualist online they never make Maxwell love me again , this came up to two months now and i have been at the edge of giving up on this because nothing seems to be working out when i ran into a comment on Facebook about Dr blessing , even when i have wasted time and money with others i was moved by the post i read about this Dr Blessing so i said to give it my last trial , i contacted he on 9th of June 2017 and explained my situations , there he told me few instructions to follow and i did the things he said after which he said in 3 days from now i will hear or get message from Maxwell i never believed he because others has also told me same thing , it was like a dream on the 12th of June 9 34 AM Texas time this year when i received a very sweet text from Maxwell and i called to thank him and he said i should tell as many people i can able his work as many are called but few are chosen , so i want to tell you all here if there is anyone out here passing through hard time in his /her relationship, if your spouse cheat, if your partner is wanting a divorce for no good reasons , kindly contact Dr blessing today and be happy again in life,
    Email; blessingspiritualtemple@gmail.com
    Whats,App. +19514090694

    ReplyDelete
  16. After being in relationship with him for seven years,he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the fake ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster, his email: drosedebamenspellhome@gmail.com you can email him if you need his assistance in your relationship or anything. CAN NEVER STOP TALKING ABOUT YOU SIR HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS:drosedebamenspellhome@gmail.com CONTACT HIM NOW FOR SOLUTION TO ALL YOUR PROBLEM

    ReplyDelete
  17. After being in relationship with him for seven years,he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the fake ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster, his email: drosedebamenspellhome@gmail.com you can email him if you need his assistance in your relationship or anything. CAN NEVER STOP TALKING ABOUT YOU SIR HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS:drosedebamenspellhome@gmail.com CONTACT HIM NOW FOR SOLUTION TO ALL YOUR PROBLEM

    ReplyDelete