Wednesday, 12 October 2016

Know Your Rights Before You Get Married

Marriage is no doubt the most important decision of a persons life which is why we should always pray for a good life partner. A decision to marry a good man certainly makes your life heaven and a decision to marry a bad man surely makes it hell. Merely living can be a pain and torture if your'e stuck with the wrong kind. One can never get peace of mind in a terrible marriage. 



It is an institution which is based on equal rights and duties. The relationship must be based on fairness. Double standards can not exist in a relationship. Compromises have to be from both sides. Only when couples respect each other, there is a possibility of love. 


We hear that love is the most important thing in marriage but I think that love is very difficult without respect, fairness and responsibility. So I personally have my relationship priority list as follows: 

Marriage priority list
1. Respect
2. Fairness
3. Responsiblity
4. Love
5. Trust 

I would love to know what you rate most important in a marriage. Please comment. 


Its depressing to know that even in this day and age, we hear of women getting married without knowing their basic human rights. There are no counselling centres to teach them what to do and what not to do. We make sure our girls are taught manners and courtesy.  In some cases they're even sent to finishing schools to teach them how to behave in front of others. They are trained to be potential wives and mothers. At home, their mothers and fathers tell them they must always be good to their husbands and in-laws. 



When they pass their 20th birthday, most of the parents start looking out for Rishtas and are open to any decent appearing proposals. At such a young age, these girls are highly vulnerable and in most cases quite immature for the huge concept of marriage. Our girls are always taught to behave well and told that whoever does good gets only good in return. Unfortunately, that is not always true. But why is it that we forget to teach our daughters something which is far more important. 



Its a pity,  we forget to teach our daughters one big lesson in life.... to say No. No when others cross certain boundaries and no to abuse. It is true that a wife is responsible to keep her husband happy. She should be pleasant and be at her best behaviour in front of him. However, that does not mean that she should be naive and stupid. We must not forget that Islam does not allow a woman to listen to her husband blindly.  On the contrary, it is encouraged that she disobeys her husband in case he is asking her to do something which is against the way of Allah. If we are living in a corrupt environment, we have to be street smart and know how to handle such people. We need to learn how to handle venomous people. If someone is being mean and nasty with us, we shouldn't let them get away with it or encourage them to get carried away. The first time they behave badly with us, we should put a stop to it and make it clear to them that their behaviour is unacceptable. There are limits on what a girl should compromise on.  A wife should not allow anyone to treat her as a doormat.  


I feel very strongly about this topic and finally I gathered enough guts to write about it as it is so important. There is something majorly wrong in this system of ours. The only time women realise and learn the following points is when God forbid they have a terrible experience of marriage first-hand. Thats the only time when they learn to be smart. I feel very sad when I see such things happen around me. Wouldn't it be so much better for us if we were taught these lessons before we were mishandled and treated badly?

Following are 12 important points which every woman must know before entering the contract of marriage in terms of priority: 




1. Name change:
Women are not bound to change their name after marriage. In fact Islam encourages women to keep their fathers name even after they get married. The concept is deeper than you think. When a woman changes her name and her husband knows that she has his name in hers, he can start thinking of her as his possession. He knows then that she is his and he can do whatever he likes with her. This way of thinking creates problems in her life where she struggles and loses her identity. It is common for immature girls to be in the feeling of love early in the relationship and willingly change their names to their husbands on Facebook and on legal papers in an effort to please him. They may realise later on that there is a reason women are advised to keep their fathers name with their names. 






2. The marriage contract:
Read the nikah nama properly. You may do so with english translation and always keep the right of divorce no matter what others may say. It is your basic human right and your own protection in case things don't work out. There is no sense in cutting out this section as was the custom in old times. 


3. Dowry - Haq Mehr

In Islam, dowry is the mandatory payment in the form of money or possessions paid or promised to pay by the groom or grooms father to the bride at the time of marriage that legally becomes her property. It is specified in Marriage contract Nikkah. The dowry can never be taken back by the husband. She has all legal right on it. It is a myth that this amount is to be paid to wife in case a divorce takes place. On principle this is to be paid at time marriage takes place. 

“And give to the women (whom you marry) their mahr (obligatory bridal money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage) with a good heart…” [al-Nisaa’ 4:4]

"... and besides these, it is lawful for you to marry other women if you pay them their dowry, maintain chastity and do not commit indecency. So those (women) whom you marry for an appointed time, you must give them their agreed upon dowries. There is no harm if you reach an understanding among yourselves about the dowry, Allah is All-Knowing and All-Wise." (Surah 4, Verse 24)

4. Physical Abuse: 
No one has the right to hurt you physically at all. There is no justification for it and it is a marriage breaker. Read more on that on my post, 'Say No to Abuse' on this link. Know that even in marriage, there are some physical barriers which the couple must refrain from. These are the boundaries set by Islam and one must never exceed them. 





5. Sex Education:
It is understood that only adults make the decision of getting married. Adults need to have prior knowledge about contraceptive methods (including pills), pregnancy, kids and the responsibilities attached to these. The couple needs to have an adult conversation of when they want to start a family. Whatever the decision, they should stick to it. In many cases, they get carried away and later make the wife bear consequences by 'morning after pills' or in worse cases abortion. These are extreme cases of irresponsibility where the wife is made to suffer for husbands negligence. A couple must always act responsible and keep each others wellbeing a top priority. It is wrong to make your spouse suffer especially due to own negligence. 



6. Working Woman:
Best case scenario is when a husband allows his wife to continue her career after marriage. In my opinion, a woman should continue her work as it is beneficial for the couple. The wife has less time to have negative thoughts and the couple is more sympathetic towards each other when both are busy in their work lives. This should be discussed with potential husband before entering into marriage to know how much she is willing to sacrifice for him. I personally feel that if the wife has to sacrifice too much for her husband, it creates problems in marriage as she keeps thinking that she has given up so much for him. However wife is not responsible for household expenses. In case she wants to chip in, she can but she is not bound to spend her income on the house. 

7. Money Matters:  
Always keep your personal bank account details to your self. No need to disclose them to anyone. Know that no one has the right to it other than yourself. A husband is responsible for providing his wife and kids with food, clothing and shelter. Wife can use her own account for her own interests, for buying something for herself or paying zakat for her jewellery. A wife can spend her own earned money without taking permission from the husband or even telling him. Never let anyone (including your spouse) be in charge of your income. No one except yourself has the right to make money decisions on your behalf. It is your own hard earned money, never let any one else take that position away from you. If a wife wants, she can spend her money on her home, kids or husband, but she can not be forced to do so. It is entirely her own decision. 

There are endless cases of financial abuse in marriages. Wives are not allowed to open her own bank account, or she's made to transfer all her earning/saving into husbands bank account by convincing her through one reason or the other. In other cases a wife is made to ask her parents to send them money. She is often threatened to be taken out of the house if she doesn't obey him. The irony is that countless examples of this are taking place all around us. Its happening at all socio-economic levels. Even education has nothing to do with this. Money really shows the worst face of human beings and it can surely ruin it all. 



8. Jewelry:

It is very important to prove to your husband and in-laws that you are a responsible person and know very well how to manage your possessions. Always be fully in charge of all your jewelry. Always have a locker in your own name and always keep it in your own control. Make proper locking up arrangement for expensive items or cash before you get married and don't let anyone keep them in their control for you even for a short period of time. If husbands family insists on keeping them for you, do not trust them. Be pleasant but assertively tell them that you have it all sorted and you will take care of your own things and that they should not worry. 




9. Legal Documents:
Always keep all your property papers, Identity cards and passports in your own control.  Don't let anyone keep them for you even if they promise to return them soon. They are your personal things and no one has the right to have any control over them.


10. Verbal Abuse: 
Always speak to your spouse and in-laws with respect. However, if they swear at you, call you or your family names, make an issue out of it, the first time it happens. It is not right for any one to behave this way. In many cases, a wife is threatened to be divorced if she doesn't obey husband. This sort of behaviour is unacceptable for a marriage to work. If a man thinks he can get away by behaving this way, he is surely not worth living with. 

11. Communication:
A wife has every every right to be in touch with her family members after marriage. A husband has no right to stop his wife from visiting her parents house or close family or to keep her at home for no due reason. In fact husband and wife should encourage each other to have a good relationship with their own families and friends by keeping in touch with them and meeting them frequently. 

12. Hobbies: 
You have a right to your hobbies. Don't let anybody stop you from doing what you feel like during your spare time. When husband is out, its best time to do what you love doing. If sport is your hobby, nothing like it. You will be looking after your health while you're at it. Art, music, stiching, are some of the hobbies worth considering. 



A successful marriage is based on the wellbeing of both individuals. If a man thinks that by oppressing his wife, he can attain happiness, he is wrong. If she isn't happy in the relationship, he can never be so either. Its a two way street. Only by keeping each other happy and content, can a couple find ultimate bliss. 



The best husbands are those who live and let live. Those who forbid their wives from doing a lot of things and who love to decide what their wife will wear, where she will go and whom she will meet often end up depressed and unloved. Respecting each other and being easygoing and relaxed is the key to a loving relationship. 


"Bad women are for bad men and bad men are for bad women. Good women are for good men and good men are for good women." Quran (24:26)




18 comments:

  1. Thankyou so much for sharing this. it is very important for us young girls to learn about their basic rights..stay blessed!

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  2. Most welcome. I felt it a social responsibility to educate young girls on this topic. Im so happy with the feedback. Thankyou :)

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  3. very properly written and defined:) but some sick people have the mentality with which they have grown up. they simply dont pay attention to these sensitive matters and are after money and same things.

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  4. True. Money matters are always tricky in relationships and need to be handled well and tactfully. We must know our rights so we cannot be exploited.

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  5. How I Got My Ex Husband Back...........

    I am Shannon by name. Greetings to every one that is reading this testimony. I have been rejected by my husband after three(3) years of marriage just because another woman had a spell on him and he left me and the kid to suffer. one day when i was reading through the web, i saw a post on how this spell caster on this address Makospelltemple@yahoo.com , have help a woman to get back her husband and i gave him a reply to his address and he told me that a woman had a spell on my husband and he told me that he will help me and after 2 days that i will have my husband back. i believed him and today i am glad to let you all know that this spell caster have the power to bring lovers back. because i am now happy with my husband. Thanks for Dr.Mako. His email: Makospelltemple@yahoo.com OR. his phone number: +2348108737816.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi everyone!

      My Boyfriend broke up with me, I thought I had lost everything.i cry all day and think that he will never come back to me again.i read a testimony by a man called James Montes about him saying that how Dr.Unity help him to get back is EX wife within 28 hours.I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a (Love spell) for me. 28 hours later, my (Ex Boyfriend) came to me and apologized for the wrongs he did and promise never to do it again. Ever since then, everything has returned back to normal and our love is now stronger that he can't do without being with me. I and my boyfriend are living together happily again. Dr.unity is the best online spell caster that is powerful and genuine. And when I was at my most desperate,he didn’t take advantage of me. You performed a very good service for a person in true need. I don’t know how you did it, or how this magic works, but all I know is, IT WORKS!! Andrew and i are happily back together, and I’ll always be grateful to Dr.unity, if you are here and you need your Ex back or your husband moved to another woman, do not cry anymore, contact this powerful spell caster now. Here’s his contact,
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    2. Hi everyone!

      My Boyfriend broke up with me, I thought I had lost everything.i cry all day and think that he will never come back to me again.i read a testimony by a man called James Montes about him saying that how Dr.Unity help him to get back is EX wife within 28 hours.I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a (Love spell) for me. 28 hours later, my (Ex Boyfriend) came to me and apologized for the wrongs he did and promise never to do it again. Ever since then, everything has returned back to normal and our love is now stronger that he can't do without being with me. I and my boyfriend are living together happily again. Dr.unity is the best online spell caster that is powerful and genuine. And when I was at my most desperate,he didn’t take advantage of me. You performed a very good service for a person in true need. I don’t know how you did it, or how this magic works, but all I know is, IT WORKS!! Andrew and i are happily back together, and I’ll always be grateful to Dr.unity, if you are here and you need your Ex back or your husband moved to another woman, do not cry anymore, contact this powerful spell caster now. Here’s his contact,
      Email him at: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com ,
      Call or Whats-app him: +2348071622464 ,
      Web site:www.drunity.blogspot.com ,
      I am Regina Moore British Citizen.

      Delete
  6. Thank you DR BLESSING for your genuine and powerful love spells. I'm Lilian by name. From California This is really incredible, and I have never experienced anything like this in my entire life. Before i met you Sir, i have tried every probable means that i could to get my husband back, but i actually came to realize that nothing was working out for me, and that my husband had developed lot of hatred for me.. I thought there was no hope to reunite with my husband. But when i read good reviews about how DR BLESSING helped others, I decided to Email him at blessingspiritualtemple@gmail.com to give it a try and i did everything that he instructed me and i Trusted in him and followed his instructions just as he have guaranteed me in 24 hours, and that was exactly when my husband called me..Sir We are more contented now than ever. Everything looks perfect and so natural! Thank you so much Sir for your authentic and indisputable spells. here again his
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  7. My story is probably typical. Husband fell into an affair with a woman at work and left me,i felt my life was over and my kids thought they would never see their father again. i tried to be strong just for the kids but i could not control the pains that torments my heart, my heart was filled with sorrows and pains because i was really in love with my husband. Every day and night i think of him and always wish he would come back to me, I was really upset and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr Unity can help get ex back fast. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a (Love spell) for me. 28 hours later, my husband really called me and told me that he miss me and the kids so much, So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and the kids. Then from that day,our Marriage was now stronger than how it were before,All thanks to Dr Unity. he is so powerful and i decided to share my story on the internet that Dr Unity real and powerful spell caster who i will always pray to live long to help his children in the time of trouble, if you are here and you need your Ex back or your husband moved to another woman, do not cry anymore, contact this powerful spell caster now. Here’s his contact,Email him at: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com , Call or add him on whats-app: +2348071622464 .


    ReplyDelete
  8. I've gotten back with my ex husband, you can also fix your broken relationship & get your ex-lover back fast. I'm Angel Wesley from the United States. My husband and i have been married for about 6yrs now. We were happily married with two kids, a boy and a girl. 1 months ago, I started to notice some strange behavior from him and a few weeks later, I found out that my husband is seeing someone else. He started coming home late from work, he hardly care about me or the kids anymore, Sometimes he goes out and doesn't even come back home for about 2-3 days. I did all I could to rectify this problem but all to no avail. I became very worried and needed help. so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested Dr Unity can help get ex back fast, restore broken relationships and stop a divorce. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and told him my problems and he told me what to do and i did it and he did a {love spell} for me. 28 hours later, my husband came to me and apologized for the wrongs he did and promise never to do it again. Ever since then, everything has returned back to normal. Thank you Dr Unity for saving my broken Marriage and brought my husband back to me!".. I and my family are living together happily again. Dr.Unity is the best online spell caster that is powerful and genuine. If you have any problem contact him and i guarantee you that he will help you. Here’s his contact..Email him at: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com ,you can also call him or add him on whats-app:+2348071622464.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hey! my life is devastated! I’m going through hell right now from the past one month,i broke up with my bf. we both were completely in love.But i started having some issues with myself. my mood swings were a lot to handle for him an that point i just felt the need to break up and so i did.And i hurt him to the core which i never wanted to.He kept on begging me but i didn’t hear.Later on he started avoiding me and kind of did everything as you said in your video.it felt bad.I always loved him but i had to break up.I regret breaking up so much.But after that he said no to me.He said he’ll never come back as he cannot put faith in me.I have tried my level best but he is adamant that he cannot trust me. even though after i realised what i did.I changed myself completely.I dealt with my mood swings and now i don’t get any.He cannot trust me.what should i do?I love him and he does too but he says he don’t have that much courage to come back. one day in my office going through the internet i saw a post of a lady giving testimony on how she got her husband back,i also come across a blog site on how to reunite and get your ex back with a love spell it was really amazing to see this so i copy his email id on http://happyspelltemple.webs.com/ i explain my situation to him and gave him all the details he requested from me, he give me few days assurance that my boyfriend will come back after the spell i was so overwal to hear that so i just keep calm and follow up his order coz i really love my boyfriend and want him back. on the second day after the spell as he promise me, my ex call me also show up in my office begging me to forgive him and accept him back with out no delay, i lift him up with a kiss and was so very happy to have him back all my happiness was from Dr happy he is indeed a true man a father and a god sent. plz contact Dr happy on his email id direct at happylovespell2@gmail.com or call his mobile number on +2348133873774

    ReplyDelete
  10. I've gotten back with my ex husband, you can also fix your broken relationship & get your ex-lover back fast. I'm Angel Wesley from the United States. My husband and i have been married for about 6yrs now. We were happily married with two kids, a boy and a girl. 1 months ago, I started to notice some strange behavior from him and a few weeks later, I found out that my husband is seeing someone else. He started coming home late from work, he hardly care about me or the kids anymore, Sometimes he goes out and doesn't even come back home for about 2-3 days. I did all I could to rectify this problem but all to no avail. I became very worried and needed help. so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested Dr Unity can help get ex back fast, restore broken relationships and stop a divorce. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and told him my problems and he told me what to do and i did it and he did a {love spell} for me. 28 hours later, my husband came to me and apologized for the wrongs he did and promise never to do it again. Ever since then, everything has returned back to normal. Thank you Dr Unity for saving my broken Marriage and brought my husband back to me!".. I and my family are living together happily again. Dr.Unity is the best online spell caster that is powerful and genuine. If you have any problem contact him and i guarantee you that he will help you. Here’s his contact..Email him at: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com ,you can also call him or add him on whats-app:+2348071622464.

    ReplyDelete
  11. How I Got My Ex Husband Back...........

    I am Shannon by name. Greetings to every one that is reading this testimony. I have been rejected by my husband after three(3) years of marriage just because another woman had a spell on him and he left me and the kid to suffer. one day when i was reading through the web, i saw a post on how this spell caster on this address Makospelltemple@yahoo.com , have help a woman to get back her husband and i gave him a reply to his address and he told me that a woman had a spell on my husband and he told me that he will help me and after 2 days that i will have my husband back. i believed him and today i am glad to let you all know that this spell caster have the power to bring lovers back. because i am now happy with my husband. Thanks for Dr.Mako. His email: Makospelltemple@yahoo.com OR.His WhatsApp Number:+2347054263874.

    ReplyDelete

  12. How I Got My Ex Husband Back...........

    I am Shannon by name. Greetings to every one that is reading this testimony. I have been rejected by my husband after three(3) years of marriage just because another woman had a spell on him and he left me and the kid to suffer. one day when i was reading through the web, i saw a post on how this spell caster on this address Makospelltemple@yahoo.com , have help a woman to get back her husband and i gave him a reply to his address and he told me that a woman had a spell on my husband and he told me that he will help me and after 2 days that i will have my husband back. i believed him and today i am glad to let you all know that this spell caster have the power to bring lovers back. because i am now happy with my husband. Thanks for Dr.Mako. His email: Makospelltemple@yahoo.com OR.His WhatsApp Number:+2347054263874.

    ReplyDelete
  13. My Dear friends online, My name is Ashley Lisa And i live in USA, New York, I have to give this miraculous testimony, which is so unbelievable until now. I had a problem with my Ex husband 2 years ago, which lead to our break up. I was not myself again, i felt so empty inside me, my love and financial situation became worst, until a close friend of mine told me about a spell caster who helped her in the same problem too his name is Doctor Agu. I email the spell caster and i told him my problem and i did what he asked of me, to cut the long story short. Before i knew what was happen, less than two days my husband gave me a call and told me that he was coming back to me i was so happy to have him back to me. The most interesting part of the story is that am pregnant. Thanks to Doctor Agu for saving my marriage and for also saving others own too. Continue your good work, If you are interested to contact the great spell caster email address: Agulovespell@hotmail.com You can also call him or text him here: +2348108737816.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Getting my Ex back my name is Sarah Ryan. I've known Johnson for years, When we finally got together things were kind of weird so we broke up which was in February of 2015 In June of 2016 he and I recently got back together and we were together until march of 2016 which he told me he was not interested in relationship again During that time I changed completely, I wasn't eating,I was sleeping a lot, I wasn't talking to anybody, I cried a lot,I'm so depressed and stressed out that I'm scared I'm going to end up in the hospital because of all the stress and depression until one day i search online on getting love tips because I Love & care about him deeply and I just want us to be together as a couple again and I want us to last forever Google recommend me superlovespell@gmail.com that he will solve my relationship problem then Dr super told me he will come back to me between 48hrs after he cast spell on him never believe it until my fiance called me on the phone and told me he want us to come back and live happy together forever , Am so happy now that DR SUPER, help me bring Johnson back to me. Thanks so much( Dr Super) his email: superlovespell@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  15. Hi everyone. Am Yolanda , am here today to share my good experience with Dr Blessing with you all on this page and am very happy posting this because for Dr blessing of Blessingspiritualtemple@gmail.com has makes me a very happy woman today, i was very depressed and devastated when Maxwell my boyfriend of 2 years left me for another girl because some of his family members never likes me and this messed my life up in so many different ways , because Maxwell and i have been together for too long and we even making plans of getting married when this whole issues came up , and at this point i have did all i could to make he keep this our love life going , but all end up at nothing, and this kept on running on my head, at this time i couldn't focus on anything i lost my job, even at this i kept on praying to God to bring back my ex i contacted some spiritualist online they never make Maxwell love me again , this came up to two months now and i have been at the edge of giving up on this because nothing seems to be working out when i ran into a comment on Facebook about Dr blessing , even when i have wasted time and money with others i was moved by the post i read about this Dr Blessing so i said to give it my last trial , i contacted he on 9th of June 2017 and explained my situations , there he told me few instructions to follow and i did the things he said after which he said in 3 days from now i will hear or get message from Maxwell i never believed he because others has also told me same thing , it was like a dream on the 12th of June 9 34 AM Texas time this year when i received a very sweet text from Maxwell and i called to thank him and he said i should tell as many people i can able his work as many are called but few are chosen , so i want to tell you all here if there is anyone out here passing through hard time in his /her relationship, if your spouse cheat, if your partner is wanting a divorce for no good reasons , kindly contact Dr blessing today and be happy again in life,
    Email; blessingspiritualtemple@gmail.com
    Whats,App. +1(951) 409 0694

    ReplyDelete