Wednesday, 10 February 2016

11 Things to do Before You Get Married

My dear readers, I hope you are well. Today my post is specially for all those who plan to get married or have a wedding in their family coming up. Before you get married, there are a lot of things which you need to do. I know many of you would be thinking 'Duh! Its obviously the wedding preparations'. But honestly, that is only one part of what I think one should do. The important part is not even related to wedding preparation. Any ideas what that could be? In my opinion, they are as under: 


Photo Credits: Waliya Najib Photography



1- Be thankful to Allah. Read the Quran 
Pray for a blissful marriage and a kind husband. I had realized I wouldn't be able to take out so much time every day for completing my Quran English Tafseer which I had started. So I gave myself the deadline of completing it before my marriage. 



When I had that goal, I made sure I completed it and it felt superb. And I knew that if I had left it, I would never have been able to finish it. Try to read some Nafals and Dua-e-Hajat during this time also. Its very important to read the Quran with meaning so you know your rights, your husbands rights and how to live a good happy life. Values are extremely important in a marriage and I believe values come from understanding religion.


2- Spend quality time with your family
We all take our families for granted till the time we know we will be leaving them. You will be moving into a new house and family and it will never be the same again. So make the most of your time with your family. Make plans, go out to the mountains, beach, movies, send them all a gift separately, and most importantly make memories! 



Before your wedding day, buy a greeting card for each of your family member (parents, siblings and grandparents) and write your most beautiful memories with them and tell them how much you will miss them. Put your wedding dates card on that and hand it over to them on your wedding day. This is an amazing way for a daughter to leave her parents house and let them know how much she loves them. It also lets them know that their daughter is never too busy for them and she took out time for them even on her wedding day. 



3- Look after yourself 
You know your biggest day of your life is coming near. You don't want to look your worst during it or let the signs of all the stress and chores show on your face. You better make a proper plan of having at least one raw vegetable (e.g. Carrot, cucumber), one fruit, one glass of milk and a Multi vitamin tablet every single day. You must make sure you have 8 glasses of water and at least 15 minutes exercise everyday. You must also use Sandlewood powder, Ubtan, rosewater and other herbal products on your face and neck for natural radiance on your face. Please stay away from skin doctors unless you have a big problem. You are the most important person in your upcoming wedding so you better take care of yourself, first of all. 


4- Cook, clean and practice how to be a better manager 
It is true that once you get married, it won't be easy to suddenly change your lifestyle completely. So it is advisable to first of all make a Recipe Folder where you print out all the best recipes which you find and try out. Your family will have whatever you make. So it is best to try out recipes on them rather than messing up your first impression at your in-laws. 



5- Give Zakat or charity
As you are going to have a new beginning, it is best to start it by giving to the poor. It will make you feel better. The best thing is to give to household staff who had served you all your life. If you have contact with your old staff workers, you can call them up and transfer money to them also. 




6- Have a decent saving in your personal bank account
A lot of girls today get married after working for some time. It is vital for a girl to have savings in her personal bank account. You never know when you may need money for any unforeseen circumstances. Although it is husbands responsibility to take care of wife but she should at least have some back up for emergencies. She should also have an organized banking system. She should have a running cash bank account and one for savings which she almost never touches. 



7- Take out a little time every week to do what you love doing
If you are into arts, make paintings. If you love riding, ride a horse. Some other examples are Tennis, friends, movies, eating out, reading books and scrapbooking. Sky is the limit. Just do what you love doing. When you get married, you will need to adjust to the new lifestyle and if you are unable to do what you love over there for some months initially, you may get frustrated. To avoid that, its best to do it while you're at home now. Hobbies and interests also tend to take over, at times. We lose track of time when we want to finish our painting or complete a journal. When you are married, you will have a lot of responsibilities and fact is that you will only be able to continue your hobbies within certain time limits. So try to complete your previous projects fully before you get married. 




8- Self talk 
Getting married is surely the biggest decision of ones life. I think between different stages of ones life, we need some time in between to be able to accept and adjust to the reality. I think its vital to find a peaceful place and spend some alone time. Doing Yoga or breathing excercises while you are alone is also a good idea. 




9- Organize yourself 
Since you will be starting a new life altogether, it is best to start organizing your things and decide what you want to leave behind. These can then be given to a sister or friend. The most important thing that I can't stress enough is that you must sort out all your legal documents. In a file, put all your education, health, work, legal documents and scan them. In case you don't have a scanner, take a good picture of them with your cell phone and edit them on an editor within your phone. 



Once you have a softcopy of all your legal documents, upload them on your online space. You already have access to free online space with your email provider. Hotmail, Gmail, Yahoo, all provide it. For more information on this important topic, please click here for my full post dedicated to sorting out legal documents. 



10- Talk to your fiance
I do not believe that a couple should be too friendly before marriage but I believe very strongly that a couple must have a few good sessions where they discuss important matters like their beliefs and values. My husband and I talked to each other openly about our priorities, expectations and commitment. I asked my fiance right before our marriage to write his thoughts on a piece of paper regarding marriage. We then met in a park where I took my relationship commitment note as well. Although we had an idea about each others beliefs before I said 'Yes', this particular discussion made us feel very good and confident about our upcoming marriage. 



I suddenly realized that in our Desi weddings, there are no wedding vows. So basically the couple has never formally promised that they they will be there for each other through thick and thin. During this conversation, we covered a lot of topics like respect, financial matters, difficult times, fair relationship, family, integrity, loyalty, privacy, space and communication. Before this detailed talk, I had been having jitters and sometimes wanted to run away and never get married. 


After knowing my husbands views and telling him about mine, we both were very happy and promised each other to abide by this commitment always and to keep it safe. I couldn't wait to marry him after this talk and all my fears were gone completely. I strongly believe every couple should have such a talk before marriage. 

11- Know your rights and duties
This point is one of the most important yet it is almost never taken into consideration before marriage. God has set boundaries in every relationship which we must be aware of in order to adhere to them. This is specially important for all you girls out there. In our culture, even girls parents do not talk to her properly before she gets married.


Since her childhood, her parents keep telling her how to act and behave well. She is repeatedly taught how to always be nice and to always agree to her husband and future in-laws. She is always taught to keep her husband happy no matter what. I learned it the hard way that this teaching is wrong. She should be taught to be nice to people specially in-laws but at the same time, she should also be taught what is fair and what isn't. She should know when enough is enough and when she needs to say 'No'. The most common types of abuse in a marriage are physical, mental, financial and social. A woman needs to know what she must not accept and when she needs to put her foot down. 

 

In order to know her rights, she needs to go through the teachings of Islam. There are many websites available from where she will know what she needs to do for her husband and what he needs to do for her. Every one MUST know about the rights and duties of husband and wife before entering into a marriage. It is also advised to send these website links to your fiance so they are aware of Islams teachings regarding relationship. 


In that way, I have become a little skeptical about girls getting married at a very young age. When they are not mature, they are too naïve and they are often mistreated as they don't really know what's going on. It is our daughters right to know the difference between right and wrong and she must know it well before she gets married. 

This was the end of this topic. Do you agree with the above? Would love to know your thoughts.

28 comments:

  1. I'm not married (yet) But I absolutely agree with everything above. Such a refreshing and enlightened take on the typical pre marriage talk. -A

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    1. Thank you for your sweet comment. I'm glad you feel the same way.

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  2. Awesome article. So comprehensive and detailed to the right degree. Loved it.

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  3. MashaAllah very well written!!

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  4. Hi nadiya..u words are so wise.loved reading it. Could u plz tell which tafseer u read?? I want to start reading one but dont know which one to follow.i hope you will help me out. Thanks in advance

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  5. Thank you natascha. The one i heard was by Amina Elahi. I heard its audio files can be downloaded from the Internet also. Please search for it. I found hers very interesting

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  6. I really like ur posts kindly share ur life story as well :)i wud lv to read that

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  7. I'm not married yet. but I absolutely 100% agree with you! best post ever. very well written.
    MASHA ALLAH
    I'm going to share it with my friends.

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  8. I am not married or engaged yet, but, this was all so well written and I agree with this! I am so glad I found your blog, Nadiya!

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  9. You deserve to be commended. Hold strong yourself, but not too strong or stubborn. You should know better. Do remember too that the world is full of all kinds of people. Each different from the other. Marriage is give and take on both sides. Care and love is essential. Taking should be returned with thoughtful giving. Live life to its fullest because you will never get another! Best of luck always...

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  10. How I Got My Ex Husband Back...........

    I am Shannon by name. Greetings to every one that is reading this testimony. I have been rejected by my husband after three(3) years of marriage just because another woman had a spell on him and he left me and the kid to suffer. one day when i was reading through the web, i saw a post on how this spell caster on this address Makospelltemple@yahoo.com , have help a woman to get back her husband and i gave him a reply to his address and he told me that a woman had a spell on my husband and he told me that he will help me and after 2 days that i will have my husband back. i believed him and today i am glad to let you all know that this spell caster have the power to bring lovers back. because i am now happy with my husband. Thanks for Dr.Mako. His email: Makospelltemple@yahoo.com OR. his phone number: +2348108737816.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi everyone!

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  12. My story is probably typical. Husband fell into an affair with a woman at work and left me,i felt my life was over and my kids thought they would never see their father again. i tried to be strong just for the kids but i could not control the pains that torments my heart, my heart was filled with sorrows and pains because i was really in love with my husband. Every day and night i think of him and always wish he would come back to me, I was really upset and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr Unity can help get ex back fast. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a (Love spell) for me. 28 hours later, my husband really called me and told me that he miss me and the kids so much, So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and the kids. Then from that day,our Marriage was now stronger than how it were before,All thanks to Dr Unity. he is so powerful and i decided to share my story on the internet that Dr Unity real and powerful spell caster who i will always pray to live long to help his children in the time of trouble, if you are here and you need your Ex back or your husband moved to another woman, do not cry anymore, contact this powerful spell caster now. Here’s his contact,Email him at: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com , Call or add him on whats-app: +2348071622464 .


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  13. I've gotten back with my ex husband, you can also fix your broken relationship & get your ex-lover back fast. I'm Angel Wesley from the United States. My husband and i have been married for about 6yrs now. We were happily married with two kids, a boy and a girl. 1 months ago, I started to notice some strange behavior from him and a few weeks later, I found out that my husband is seeing someone else. He started coming home late from work, he hardly care about me or the kids anymore, Sometimes he goes out and doesn't even come back home for about 2-3 days. I did all I could to rectify this problem but all to no avail. I became very worried and needed help. so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested Dr Unity can help get ex back fast, restore broken relationships and stop a divorce. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and told him my problems and he told me what to do and i did it and he did a {love spell} for me. 28 hours later, my husband came to me and apologized for the wrongs he did and promise never to do it again. Ever since then, everything has returned back to normal. Thank you Dr Unity for saving my broken Marriage and brought my husband back to me!".. I and my family are living together happily again. Dr.Unity is the best online spell caster that is powerful and genuine. If you have any problem contact him and i guarantee you that he will help you. Here’s his contact..Email him at: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com ,you can also call him or add him on whats-app:+2348071622464.

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  14. Hey! my life is devastated! I’m going through hell right now from the past one month,i broke up with my bf. we both were completely in love.But i started having some issues with myself. my mood swings were a lot to handle for him an that point i just felt the need to break up and so i did.And i hurt him to the core which i never wanted to.He kept on begging me but i didn’t hear.Later on he started avoiding me and kind of did everything as you said in your video.it felt bad.I always loved him but i had to break up.I regret breaking up so much.But after that he said no to me.He said he’ll never come back as he cannot put faith in me.I have tried my level best but he is adamant that he cannot trust me. even though after i realised what i did.I changed myself completely.I dealt with my mood swings and now i don’t get any.He cannot trust me.what should i do?I love him and he does too but he says he don’t have that much courage to come back. one day in my office going through the internet i saw a post of a lady giving testimony on how she got her husband back,i also come across a blog site on how to reunite and get your ex back with a love spell it was really amazing to see this so i copy his email id on http://happyspelltemple.webs.com/ i explain my situation to him and gave him all the details he requested from me, he give me few days assurance that my boyfriend will come back after the spell i was so overwal to hear that so i just keep calm and follow up his order coz i really love my boyfriend and want him back. on the second day after the spell as he promise me, my ex call me also show up in my office begging me to forgive him and accept him back with out no delay, i lift him up with a kiss and was so very happy to have him back all my happiness was from Dr happy he is indeed a true man a father and a god sent. plz contact Dr happy on his email id direct at happylovespell2@gmail.com or call his mobile number on +2348133873774

    ReplyDelete
  15. I've gotten back with my ex husband, you can also fix your broken relationship & get your ex-lover back fast. I'm Angel Wesley from the United States. My husband and i have been married for about 6yrs now. We were happily married with two kids, a boy and a girl. 1 months ago, I started to notice some strange behavior from him and a few weeks later, I found out that my husband is seeing someone else. He started coming home late from work, he hardly care about me or the kids anymore, Sometimes he goes out and doesn't even come back home for about 2-3 days. I did all I could to rectify this problem but all to no avail. I became very worried and needed help. so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested Dr Unity can help get ex back fast, restore broken relationships and stop a divorce. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and told him my problems and he told me what to do and i did it and he did a {love spell} for me. 28 hours later, my husband came to me and apologized for the wrongs he did and promise never to do it again. Ever since then, everything has returned back to normal. Thank you Dr Unity for saving my broken Marriage and brought my husband back to me!".. I and my family are living together happily again. Dr.Unity is the best online spell caster that is powerful and genuine. If you have any problem contact him and i guarantee you that he will help you. Here’s his contact..Email him at: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com ,you can also call him or add him on whats-app:+2348071622464.

    ReplyDelete
  16. How I Got My Ex Husband Back...........

    I am Shannon by name. Greetings to every one that is reading this testimony. I have been rejected by my husband after three(3) years of marriage just because another woman had a spell on him and he left me and the kid to suffer. one day when i was reading through the web, i saw a post on how this spell caster on this address Makospelltemple@yahoo.com , have help a woman to get back her husband and i gave him a reply to his address and he told me that a woman had a spell on my husband and he told me that he will help me and after 2 days that i will have my husband back. i believed him and today i am glad to let you all know that this spell caster have the power to bring lovers back. because i am now happy with my husband. Thanks for Dr.Mako. His email: Makospelltemple@yahoo.com OR.His WhatsApp Number:+2347054263874.

    ReplyDelete
  17. How I Got My Ex Husband Back...........

    I am Shannon by name. Greetings to every one that is reading this testimony. I have been rejected by my husband after three(3) years of marriage just because another woman had a spell on him and he left me and the kid to suffer. one day when i was reading through the web, i saw a post on how this spell caster on this address Makospelltemple@yahoo.com , have help a woman to get back her husband and i gave him a reply to his address and he told me that a woman had a spell on my husband and he told me that he will help me and after 2 days that i will have my husband back. i believed him and today i am glad to let you all know that this spell caster have the power to bring lovers back. because i am now happy with my husband. Thanks for Dr.Mako. His email: Makospelltemple@yahoo.com OR.His WhatsApp Number:+2347054263874.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Getting my Ex back my name is Sarah Ryan. I've known Johnson for years, When we finally got together things were kind of weird so we broke up which was in February of 2015 In June of 2016 he and I recently got back together and we were together until march of 2016 which he told me he was not interested in relationship again During that time I changed completely, I wasn't eating,I was sleeping a lot, I wasn't talking to anybody, I cried a lot,I'm so depressed and stressed out that I'm scared I'm going to end up in the hospital because of all the stress and depression until one day i search online on getting love tips because I Love & care about him deeply and I just want us to be together as a couple again and I want us to last forever Google recommend me superlovespell@gmail.com that he will solve my relationship problem then Dr super told me he will come back to me between 48hrs after he cast spell on him never believe it until my fiance called me on the phone and told me he want us to come back and live happy together forever , Am so happy now that DR SUPER, help me bring Johnson back to me. Thanks so much( Dr Super) his email: superlovespell@gmail.com You can also call him or text him here: +2348108737816.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Hi everyone. Am Yolanda , am here today to share my good experience with Dr Blessing with you all on this page and am very happy posting this because for Dr blessing of Blessingspiritualtemple@gmail.com has makes me a very happy woman today, i was very depressed and devastated when Maxwell my boyfriend of 2 years left me for another girl because some of his family members never likes me and this messed my life up in so many different ways , because Maxwell and i have been together for too long and we even making plans of getting married when this whole issues came up , and at this point i have did all i could to make he keep this our love life going , but all end up at nothing, and this kept on running on my head, at this time i couldn't focus on anything i lost my job, even at this i kept on praying to God to bring back my ex i contacted some spiritualist online they never make Maxwell love me again , this came up to two months now and i have been at the edge of giving up on this because nothing seems to be working out when i ran into a comment on Facebook about Dr blessing , even when i have wasted time and money with others i was moved by the post i read about this Dr Blessing so i said to give it my last trial , i contacted he on 9th of June 2017 and explained my situations , there he told me few instructions to follow and i did the things he said after which he said in 3 days from now i will hear or get message from Maxwell i never believed he because others has also told me same thing , it was like a dream on the 12th of June 9 34 AM Texas time this year when i received a very sweet text from Maxwell and i called to thank him and he said i should tell as many people i can able his work as many are called but few are chosen , so i want to tell you all here if there is anyone out here passing through hard time in his /her relationship, if your spouse cheat, if your partner is wanting a divorce for no good reasons , kindly contact Dr blessing today and be happy again in life,
    Email; blessingspiritualtemple@gmail.com
    Whats,App. +1(951) 409 0694

    ReplyDelete